The Discernment Of Truth

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Being both a precursor and after effect of this experience is the ability to see through the cloudy haze of lies and illusions perpetrated onto humanity in such a blatant and offensive way that we see today. In the former, the ability already exists to no small degree, which is part of the reason why one is interested in and seeks out meditation and enlightenment. This helps guide us down the path towards truth. In the latter, the degree to which we can then differentiate truth from fiction in daily life is enhanced to an even greater degree, driven by the release of this dormant energy and ultimate source of awareness and intelligence. This however seems to only be the beginning phase in the opening up of our senses and conscious abilities, which remarkably appear to automatically develop in a short period of time through no additional will of our own. As I have experienced virtually overnight, any questions or doubts I had about my understanding and perception of the truth – not just regarding the human body, but through interpreting current events on the so-called news, listening to global leaders speak about world affairs, or trying to decipher the journalistic integrity of mainstream media has vanished and I fully understand and know without much effort what the truth is versus what is complete nonsense. In listening to my intuition, I don’t continuously need official evidence or supporting facts provided to me by some outside source to tell me what makes sense or not. It is clearly obvious that there is a mass manipulation on the part of those who control the world, to suppress much of the most important and life transforming knowledge accumulated through mankind’s history, in an effort to prevent us from progressing beyond our present physically-fixated state of being to one of enhanced conscious awareness and understanding of the interconnectedness of everything and everyone. Again, in my opinion, the release of this energy is both a result of this understanding and the prima facie cause of it which serves to enhance our awareness to an even greater degree.

The reason why there have been so few in number, who have awakened in this way, is because the ability to grasp the truth in a world of propaganda and continual distraction has proven to be so influential in controlling the mind. I am sure, if humanity decided one day to simply turn off the television and stop reading the news, and made a concerted effort to listen and take better care of themselves, and to find a deeper connection with the environment around them; over a relatively short period of time, we would see a dramatic increase in the number of people experiencing the same sort of conscious awakening. This experience then, still being a great puzzle to me, is a metaphorical opening of the doorway into a new reality of life that has been hidden since our inception, mainly through suppression of truth and information by those in the know. It is truly humanity’s release from the psycho-spiritual prison that has been created over the ages, and one that has the potential to set us free from our existing socio-cultural paradigm based on materialism, power, and control; to one that embraces the human experience more towards physical transcendence.

The discernment of truth is no different from understanding the nature of reality, in that you fully take into account the information you receive through your intuition, making it whole with your sensory perceptions of what is happening around you. There is no separation between what you perceive to be real and truthful based on your senses and what comes through to you in intuition. It is in fact all one; we just haven’t become accustomed to basing a holistic idea for truth on this because of our lack of acceptance towards what cannot be quantified or rationalized outside of what we physically experience. Our intuition gives us a fuller picture through an influx of information on another level – one that should not be ignored and that perhaps is accompanied by human emotions as a means of expressing information received from outside the physical realm and from the source where everything is interconnected.

It is quite possible then, that the one who is viewed as too emotional, may in fact be more in touch with his or her intuition to a greater extent than others. While on the one hand our emotions can mark what we experience in this life, such as joy and sorrow; it can also represent a manifestation of information coming in from the source that can help us better understand our life. In the sense of this awakening, it may be the essential understanding we need, as a prerequisite, in order to really learn our lessons and continue growing. It would benefit us to let go of the preconditioned idea that we always need objective, empirical evidence in order to make good decisions, and to simply trust in ourselves and our instincts more often than not. This though, requires us to go against the accepted system of education and philosophy of thought we have been indoctrinated into from the beginning, and embrace the fact that all we need can be found within ourselves. Embrace your individuality, be yourself, feel your emotions, and do not conform to an accepted way of being that tries to convince you that you are otherwise less intelligent, disciplined, and in control of yourself, because you aren’t entirely rational and measured.

To me then, emotions may be a physical, human expression of information received from the source, as well as through our senses, for the purpose of being able to experience feelings in a personal way. This is part of what makes us uniquely human, in that we can feel things in a different way that is not purely through our five senses. When we try to repress our emotions, we are not serving ourselves well, as we are only repressing information being received through intuition that is there for the purpose of providing a richer, fuller experience of life. In stating this though, I’m not necessarily suggesting that all emotions should be expressed to their fullest in our lives, but rather understood when they come so that we can better interpret what we’re going through. As with most things in life, there needs to be balance. The key to being able to do this effectively is perhaps the ability to maintain calmness of thought, have an understanding of the human condition, love, and empathy for others; so that when emotions are felt, they don’t run amuck and exert too much control over our interactions. This now brings me back to my initial thought that we actually feel emotions within ourselves. We can’t see or touch them in the physical world – so then, what are they really? To say they are simply bio-chemical reactions to experiences seems senseless to me. It seems to me that emotion is one of those things that is unquantifiable outside the realm of defining the biological mechanism that occurs within the body. Not everyone feels sadness or happiness at the same things. To me, emotion is effectively a sixth sense that integrates all our other senses together for a more complete understanding. And, like the others, we need to flow with it in order to take advantage of everything it has to offer. In this sense, we should embrace our emotions and not fall prey to those suggesting that they need to be held in check or ignored for the sake of being level-headed.

The Real Me Is Unfolding

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What would the real me be like, if it were in fact possible to actually get to a point where all the accumulated life experiences were stripped away and the essence of pure human consciousness was left? I get a feeling deep down inside that much of what we humans have experienced in this world since our physical birth, has had the affect of adding layer upon layer of psychological and emotional clutter, like an impermeable crust, that has done nothing but distract us from the truth and prevent us from reaching our potential as human beings. And, maybe this is just a result of what our backwards society has done to us over the millennia – most likely intentionally. This though, has essentially concealed who we truly are and what our potential is, in terms of being able to express ourselves by utilizing our brains to their fullest capacity and connecting ourselves on a transcendent spiritual level to the greater cosmos. Sometimes I think here, that I might be going off on a tangent with the purpose of my writing, and that the original intent to describe my personal experiences with what I believe to be such an awakening, might be getting lost in whatever else comes to mind. However, one of the effects of it as I see it, is an increased ability to see through the lies and distractions in life, and to chip away at all the nonsensicality in order to see the truth. This inevitably leads me to thoughts on the nature of reality and subjects such as this, where I wax philosophical about how life might be changed for the better in a spiritual sense.

As I sit and think about these things, the question arises in my mind as to what specifically is happening within me at the deepest levels of my being; that is spontaneously causing me to think in different ways? If my true personality is beginning to unfold and show itself, in part, because I now have a finely-tuned ability to detect even the smallest minutia of lies that society spoon feeds to us, I’m doing it without even thinking about it. What is that personality ultimately going to manifest itself as? Over time, will I find that I can no longer stand living a normal life, and be unable to perform my normal routine of work that I’ve spent so long practicing over the years? Will I begin to sense that life is in fact too precious and short to waste on the daily commute to work, and by doing something that really only serves to provide a paycheck, and nothing else even remotely fulfilling. If I don’t, I will surely wake up one day down the road, asking myself why I didn’t listen to my intuition tell me the time is nigh to make some dramatic changes – ones that embrace the inviolability of the human experience, and not simply to make a living and pay the bills. If anything, this realization is now firmly setting itself in my neural pathways, and without the least bit of uncertainty on my part as to its meaning, that my life’s path now unequivocally has to go in a different direction. I have come to see that my every waking hour is spent to some degree in contemplation on the true nature of reality, coming to terms with the fact that the world I thought I grew up in doesn’t exist in any real sense. It seems that my previous education has been at best questionable as to its efficacy, and the history lessons I learned nothing but a fictitious account designed to dissuade me from seeking the real truth. I now fortunately find myself able to assay my own information, and from various sources, that serves the purpose of breaking down the illusions I once held about our world, and freeing my mind to think for itself.

This also causes me to reflect on one of the primary struggles we have as a human race – that being the inability to really think for ourselves, because of all the distractions presented to us by the powers-that-be, who seem so determined to keep humanity’s potential hidden. Again, this topic veers off somewhat from my main thought on how my personality is changing due to this release. But, it is indirectly related in many ways because of the fact that like its potential, everything we need to further our individual evolution and become more enlightened is already within us. Yet, we have become so blinded from the truth and off-track from our natural course, and that our own true account of history has been so obscured and purposely hidden away in what can only be viewed as the intentional repression of humanity. Phenomenon such as this or any other so-called mystical or supernatural experiences that are innate to human beings, are either entirely discredited or labeled as some sort of religious fanaticism by the same mainstream organizations who work so tirelessly to keep hidden the secrets of humanity; to the extent they can continue control and manipulation over the masses. To counter this, we need to embrace some of the fundamental tenets in spiritual evolution – that being the inter-connectedness of everything, the love of self and others, and the understanding that all we need is within us. Of which, it is my opinion that this can help break through the psychological barriers we find ourselves constrained by, with the effect of reducing negative energy that exists in the world and increasing the positive.

A Shift In Personality

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When the kundalini awakens within you, it takes everything you think you know and rips it to shreds. Every belief, thought, and perception of what is right versus wrong & good versus evil is effectively destroyed and no longer seems to exist (in the same way) within your mind. The morning I woke up after this awakening had occurred and it showed to me that forces actually do exist in the universe which I thought were previously nonexistent, I became a completely different person – although it took me a while to truly realize the magnitude of the effects. The very nature of my personality shifted to such a great degree, that in retrospect, I considered this new personality to be foreign to that which existed before. At first, I made some effort to maintain the veneer of my old self for the sake of not frightening those around me with such a drastic and immediate change. But, over time I found it impossible to continue doing this. In large part because my mind had now shifted to another way of being, and because I felt so strongly that such an intense struggle was now ensuing from within, which consisted of opposing cognitive beliefs and a newly-realized knowledge of hidden potentials within man, that it could no longer be ignored or put aside.

Before all this happened, in my mind and based upon my existing mental framework and ideology, I had presupposed a set of questions and answers about life – things that I thought I had worked out on some level, which helped to provide some semblance of meaning, purpose, or direction in which to go about living. I had always believed that on some level, humanity had the potential to evolve in ways that transcended the purely physical world we live in. Perhaps this is part of the reason why, at this time, I set forth along a path to explore these frontiers in a deeper way. Maybe this was my allotted time to do so or maybe something happened to me that triggered a desire and curiosity to seek out something different. Either way, it was neither entirely intellectual nor spiritual, but a combination of both. And, as I’ve alluded to previously, I intuitively felt as if I was being nudged and goaded down this path, suggesting to me that it was time to move beyond the life I had been living up to that point and to now do something else.

One of the most obvious and drastic personality changes in my mind was the level of quietude and internal reflection that was now occurring on a regular basis and becoming a dominant factor in how I experienced things when I was awake. My personality was somewhat quiet to begin with, and now even more so, which probably went a long way in helping to conceal the intensification to which this trait was now taking hold. I suppose to some people there was perhaps not such a noticeable change about me, and that it was all internalized in my perception. I suppose too in some ways, I simply no longer had the desire to go outside of my self in order to answer questions that could be answered from within. And, when I use this terminology “within”, I don’t necessarily mean my own thought process, but in actuality a deeper connection to the source that is ultimately where my life force and consciousness emanates from. A source that is accessible through meditation, internal reflection, and quiet. It was quite literally an instantaneous transformation from being someone who, at least on some small level, still held a notion that we were somewhat isolated individuals who were perhaps connected to some other source of knowledge and wisdom; to being someone who now understood firsthand that we are certainly and inexplicably connected to and a part of a greater living consciousness with potentials far beyond our wildest dreams.

Most of the time now, I find myself walking around in daily life, at work and at home, in this continually broody state of mind with a sort of invisible barrier of tranquility and introspection that even the most confusing and busy surroundings can not seem to penetrate. During the day, even when I’m surrounded by noisy and confusing situations which envelope me, with children fussing or adults conversing; I have this ability to remain aware of what is happening, seemingly only on the surface of my mind, and still shielded from its superficial nonsense that for many people distracts them from any sense of discernment of true reality and importance. My now inward-pointing personality reflects a predilection I have towards being with myself and a lack of desire to socialize in many ways with people. At this point in my life, I now seek out peace and quiet in my surroundings to appease this newly acquired need for solace. Since this all began, I’ve felt at times almost completely turned off from anything that resembled normal, mundane living, and preoccupied with an internal journey of sorts and with exploring the frontiers between all the different facets of the hidden life I now believe to exist.

Another interesting aspect of this has been my inability or lack of desire to do anything that might have negative karmic effects related to it. As time passed, I found it strangely uncomfortable to do things such as talk about people behind their backs, judge or criticize, hold grudges, speak angrily, or even attempt to discuss with others that I’ve realized some amazing truth about life. I’m not making any extra effort to not do these things in order to progress down some sort of spiritual path. It’s just now a part of who I am, initiated through this process that is occurring within me and ostensibly because of a greater understanding of the “oneness” of everything, the realization that we are all at varying points in our personal journeys, and that everything just is what it is. Nothing should be taken personally, there is no need for it. There is no one right way of living life – everyone has their own paths. There are however certain actions, perhaps all actions for that matter, that have an opposite karmic effect that we should be aware of. There is a balance to life that is maintained automatically by the universe, whether we know it or not. This is part of the karma. And, all of this now induces me to be even more so detached from superficial aspects of life and outcomes of which I seemingly have little to do with.

This detached personality trait that now exists can be misconstrued as something that makes me seem uncaring or distant to some. To me, it is evidence of the fact that I have in some way grasped hold of another level of consciousness and no longer live my life concerned primarily with physical matters, knowing that deep within there is something going on that transcends all of it. A greater vision has been realized, another dot has been connected in the grand scheme of things that has shown to me a clearer picture of what “reality” actually is (or is not). This is not to say that life itself, as we know it in worldly terms, is not in one sense or another a part of the universal reality or purposeful in any way. It is perhaps though, only one phase in the evolution of life and understanding of who or what we really are. There is a difficulty though with the sense of detachment I experience now, that sometimes makes me feel very alone. To begin with, I don’t feel as though I can go back to the way I was previously. I can’t un-detach from life as most of us perceive it. I’ve jumped down into the rabbit hole and there is quite literally no way back out. I wasn’t advised of this fact when I started, in earnest, on my journey for the truth. My path of learning and experiences up to this point have shown to me a different view of life, they have revealed some of the hidden doors behind all the scraggly thicket, and they have illuminated to me the supernatural nature of reality itself – at the very least that there are invisible forces and an intelligence working hand-in-hand with the physical body, if not manifesting the physical body in its entirety. If I were to try and go back to how I was beforehand, I would just be lying to myself and wouldn’t be able to do that for very long because it is entirely out-of-sync with my current state of being.

All of this makes me feel at times as if I am a stranger in a strange land. One where people are going about their daily routine, concerned primarily with the rudimentaries of life and seeking a subsistence that is unnatural, manufactured, and pre-packaged – from chemical-laced junk food to the continuous seeking of entertainment and distractions that keep everyone anesthetized from seeking the truth about who they really are. I find it difficult these days to listen in and engage in conversations with people, because underlying most topics of discussion are the individual distortions inherent in each personality. This is all part of the adventure of life, yes. And, that people are all at different points in their personal journeys, as I mentioned. I just now feel a difficulty in relating to all of it when I wake up every day. It’s sort of like when you practice a sport and reach a certain level of skill. You want to continue to push yourself to get better and better by playing with people who are at or above your level. It’s not that you don’t continue to play pick-up games around the neighborhood with everyone. But, it’s that you have a deep desire to make it to the professional levels and see what true potential lies within – how far you can push it, so to speak. That is the crowd you now find yourself aspiring to associate with.

Where does this new personality take me in the future? How different will I be in the years to come? How often do we find those who are fortunate enough to have experienced this awakening, be able to really come to terms with what has happened and to learn from it and incorporate this new reality into their existing lives? Or, is it that this process fundamentally changes everything you know and nothing is even remotely the same again? Based on my experiences so far, I can see how someone who is perhaps not grounded in themselves or who does not understand the kundalini sufficiently, can be driven completely mad by the changes brought about by such a process. I have at times felt such a dizzying array of physical symptoms, accompanied with the continuous breakdown of my existing belief systems which creates at least a temporary cognitive dissonance; in which I haven’t known where to turn for help or how to come to terms with the thoughts running through my mind. Thankfully though, this hasn’t been the norm most of the time.

Insofar As Changes Were Wrought

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It’s difficult for me to comprehend how the inculcation of this process and opening of this doorway might change me in the coming years. I have a feeling that there are too many physiological aspects and levels of intricacy to which this force might affect my body; I don’t know how my thought process or biological configuration might be transformed beyond what their current state is. In only a short period of time so far though, my primary point of reference, or locus of control, with regard to seeking answers to my questions now comes from within instead of without. And, while in the past I’ve let my intuition guide me in my decision-making process, I do it now without first even considering going outside to someone or something else. I trust myself and the intuitive process more than I ever have before because I feel like it is a direct connection with this field of pure intelligence and consciousness we are all a part of. In stating this though, I’m not suggesting in any way that I have gained any super-normal intuitive powers. But, that because of this experience I’ve become more aware that the truth I seek, my path, can only be fully realized by yielding my full faith and trust that internal reflection is the key to it all. In other words, god is within us and not some external entity providing to us what we need as we ask for it through prayer.

This compulsion I now have to search within myself for answers has outwardly affected my personality at least to the extent that I may generally seem quieter than before. And, while I was somewhat like this before it all started, I imagine the perception to some is that something may not be quite right with me. I think though, this will pass over time as I begin to better understand the process and transform my life into something with deeper spiritual meaning. I often wonder how my children view me, especially with what I am now going through. Do they notice any changes? Do they pick up on any subtle energies or moods that I seem to move in and out of so often? Are there any side effects of this that have an affect on them, being so close day in and day out. I’ve noticed recently my three-year old daughter has been excessively clingy since this all started, which was a change from her normal behavior. Does her innocence and free-spirited mind allow her to sense something different is happening to me that draws her in?

At this stage, two months into it, there seems to be a myriad of ways in which my physical body has been affected; most obvious to me being an almost continual state of fatigue. The overall level of energy I have seems to fluctuate over the short-term, but generally speaking it seems to be sapping my energy long-term. For example, the level to which I was once able to exercise my body physically has decreased since this was initiated, although the mental motivation to do it is still there. My only thought is that it is a re-direction of vitality needed to recuperate my body as I continue to adapt to what is happening to me. I still question though whether or not my diet is sufficient enough to compensate for it, and I try to continually be aware of how my body reacts to the timing, quantity, and quality of my food intake. Even in light of this, what is most peculiar to me is that it still doesn’t take as much exercise as it once did, to maintain the level of physical fitness as before. My metabolism seems to have become more efficient, as I do less and achieve more in a physical sense. The most problematic part of my over 40 body in the past few years has been trying to minimize body fat around my mid-section. Now, it’s simply not there. Although, this is purely a physical concern and one associated more with ego than anything else. As I view my body in the mirror, I am amazed at the overall level of lean muscle despite the fact my normal routine has been interrupted so much. I can literally exercise my abdominal area once or twice per week and it is as lean as it’s ever been before. It makes me wonder about the extent to which someone who was not fit in any sense of the word would to adapt to this spiritual awakening. How much does physical conditioning impact the process, if any?

In utter amazement, and with regard to the idea that the release of this energy has a life-altering side effect on those around you, I have witnessed a change in my wife that is both truly exciting for me and bewildering. In the same time period, which is too coincidental to simply disregard, I have listened to her describe to me on many occasions, a new way of thinking and living that is now a part of her life. She now seems to want to seek a life of truth and meaning, one that makes a real difference in the world. My perception is that she now seems to see clearly through the ridiculousness of society, the utter pointlessness to which we humans have become so caught up in the race for material things and self-gratifying distractions – that so destroys the sanctity of our inherent human spirit and the evolution of mankind. I have listened to her describe to me again and again a desire to live a life consistent with these values. This, to me, points to the fact that for some reason, whether related to my experiences or not, she now views life in a fundamentally different way than before – and one that at its core is unable to ignore the truth and reality of the world we now find ourselves in. It suggests to me that whatever energetic changes I am going through, in some way have also wrought similar changes within her. I assume it has something to do with the close physical proximity on a daily basis, or perhaps even the connection we have as husband and wife on an entirely mental or psychological level that necessarily ties us together in this regard. Ultimately, it is this need to find meaning and truth to our existence that transforms us, pushes us towards the goal of achieving harmony and balance with nature, and finding oneness with everything and everyone.

I also have this notion within my mind that it is changing me automatically, and that I’m not actually trying to be a certain way in order to align with it. It’s as if as soon as this started, my DNA and thought process was instantly re-programmed to something else, something better that cleared away my vices, my unresolved issues, my lingering questions and doubts about what is real or not. The sense of detachment to things unimportant, that I claimed to have prior to this occurrence, was strengthened and validated in my mind by the fact that I now personally experienced a phenomenon so unquestionably powerful, that I could no longer even attempt to convince myself otherwise. And, when I did try to go back on myself and slip into the old ways, I was summarily reminded of the fact through a host of physical symptoms related specifically to what it was I was doing. At least in the beginning, I experienced intolerable headaches and exhaustion for consuming even a small glass of wine and the most piercing cranial pains when I regressed into negative thought patterns. To someone not familiar with the process in any way, or for what its effect is on the human body, the question might be asked “What does any of this have to do with a spiritual awakening?” In my relatively emergent foray into of all this, my supposition is that spiritual awakening, as I’m experiencing it, is all about finding balance and understanding; a coalescing of mind, body, and spirit, that ties together every aspect of our lives, and stresses the importance of love and respect for all living things. There is not one little thing – from a speck of food we ingest, to the words we choose to say to one another, to the thoughts in our mind, that do not have an affect on our being, however minute and imperceptible. In my mind then, among other things, the release of this energy has the effect of amplifying and sensitizing the body in a more dramatic fashion, and to make one realize and remember the deeper conscious nature and potential of our true selves.

Leading Up To It

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In the months preceding the arousal of this dormant energy hidden within my body, I noticed what appeared to me, to be some sort of preparation of my mind and body for what was to come. About eight months out, I started to increase the frequency of my meditation to at least once every day, for about a half hour. This was in contrast to not really doing much prior to that, other than an occasional practice. This sudden change in habit seemed to shift overnight as I read more and more about spirituality and mysticism, and as I started to really embrace the idea of the inter-connectedness of all living things. In my mind, this conceptual understanding, lead me to spontaneously have the desire to devote time every day to meditation and trying to clear my mind of the clutter that accumulated through everyday living. I didn’t in any way force myself to do it, or have to put forth much effort. It just seemed as though all of the sudden, meditation was supposed to be a part of my life, and it came naturally to me to sit in total silence as a means of connecting to a deeper part of my being. As I continued to do this every night, it became easier and easier for me to get into a state of quiet where I could then begin to envision a connection between my body and this source of everything.

The practice of meditation wasn’t a completely foreign subject for me; I had been doing it off and on since I was about 16 years old. It initially started when I began practicing a form of Okinawan karate called Uechi Ryu that incorporated an element of meditation before each session. From that point, I expanded upon it in my own free time outside of the dojo, which included some general techniques I had read about in various books on eastern philosophy. Even though I made some effort to learn about how to meditate through the experiences of others, I never adhered to any strict regimen or way of doing things that felt unnatural to me. This ideology has followed me through to today, where I still tend to listen more to myself and what I think is effective when it comes to seeking inner peace and quiet.

With regard to my increase in time spent actually in meditation; I attributed this not only to my renewed interest in the subject, but to what I considered to be an otherwise unexplainable need to increase the frequency of it. It’s as if I woke up one day and it was just what I had to do. And, several weeks into it, when I thought back in my mind, I couldn’t help but question how it was I went from more or less not doing anything, to all of the sudden not being able to be without it everyday. What switch had been flipped inside my body or mind that made this happen? What connection had been established between my neurons or my subtle bodies? I imagined having reached a tipping point in my subconscious mind as I continued to learn more, that let me know that without it, I wasn’t going to achieve much in a spiritual sense.

While noticing that the more I actually sat in meditation and the easier it became for me to quiet my mind, I was able to get into a deeper state of silence than ever before. At times, I tended to lose my sense of the real world I was sitting in for something else – only to sense my mind wandering back and forth between the two as if balancing on the precipice between mundane human thoughts and whatever else was out there unseen. After several months of this increased practice and visualizing the nature of chakras in my mind, and trying to relate them to my life; I came to an understanding about what it was I was really doing. At least I think I did. Not really expecting any major breakthroughs, but simply trying to find deeper meaning in life, the thought came to me that while I sat there in darkness and solitude, I was simply doing the work that was necessary. It was during the quiet that answers to my unanswered questions were being revealed, albeit on a completely unknown level to my active mind. When I let my ego get the best of me and entertained the thought of waking up this dormant force within, I imagined it being manifested while sitting on the floor in meditation. But, as this thought occurred, I came to a personal conclusion that if anything were to happen, it would probably be spontaneously at some other time – either during my waking hours or at night; if only because I wasn’t forcing the issue and letting it just be. Even still, this was the furthest thing from my mind, because during this time I hadn’t even wrapped my head around the possibility anything like this would or could ever happen to me.

The learning process I experienced in the preceding eight months or so consisted of a lot of reading, and had the effect of both opening up my mind to new ways of thinking about the universe and with the nature of man, as well as providing information on subjects I had always wanted to know about. The books and stories I came across seemed to lead from one subject to another, in what I feel was a logical (as if logic has anything to do with it) sequence of information guiding me along an unknown path predestined to end up with the most personally transforming and surreal experience I could ever imagine. As I read and had more questions, the answers seemed to present themselves to me, either within the material I was reading or through some other related source. This then supported my personal belief that life tends to present you with everything you need in order to take the next step and grow. You just have to be aware of it. To me though, it was nothing short of miraculous how the subjects brought me along in perfect sequential order, ultimately to at least some understanding of the body’s energy centers (chakras) which help set the framework for knowing how my life needed to be balanced.

At the same time all of this was happening, I noticed something peculiar about my body. I had always tried to incorporate exercise into my lifestyle, going back to my early teenage years. To this day, I still feel it’s crucial to have some form of physical activity – the benefits to me are obvious, as I could list off ten reasons why I continue to do it in less than a few minutes. But, that is not the point. What I noticed, and perhaps few else would, was that my body was changing in a way. Not dramatically, but nonetheless noticeable to me as I tried to keep track of how my new daily routine was impacting my physical body. During this time, I had actually been less consistent with my exercises, yet my body seemed to be in better physical condition. Parts of my body where I would normally have to pay close attention to in order to keep them conditioned were doing so by themselves. In other words, I was working out with a fraction of the intensity and duration as before, and seeing better results in terms of reduced body fat and an overall leaner and more muscular physique. Not bigger, just more fit. What does this have to do with living a more meaningful life? Well, there is no denying the fact that we need to pay attention to the physical part of our bodies. It is but one aspect of several though – such as emotional, spiritual, and intellectual, that builds the foundation for an overall healthy being.

My perception now of the months leading up to this experience is of a period that brought me into an extended and deepened state of internal reflection, catalyzed by some of the things I’ve previously discussed. My usual routine tendencies towards day-to-day activities and interests were effectively put on hold, in order to allow some unseen and imperceptible intelligence to mold me into something else, a little better prepared to understand and deal with what was to come. It was not of my willpower alone that made this happen, but something else that only now I’m able to consider, as assuming some level of direction over my body and mind in ways I couldn’t possibly do prior to that. This makes no sense, I know. And, I’m not suggesting this is anything external from my body – as in another entity or god. I just can’t otherwise explain the focus and depth to which my mind went during those times, which in a myriad of different ways has remained as a part of my being. If I hadn’t learned and grown the way I did, I surely would have misdiagnosed myself as crazy or sick with some sort of ailment, and possibly went to see a doctor for things he or she was in no way prepared to deal with.

How Did This All Come About?

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The sense of confusion and disbelief I still have over what has been happening to my body continues, with me asking myself every type of question imaginable as to how and why this is actually possible. Why am I doing this though? I’ve been at least somewhat consistent with practicing meditation over the years and have read books on everything from meditation to martial arts to conscious evolution – topics that are related in one way or another to the exploration of our human potential. Had I done this purely out of intellectual curiosity or because I really had some inner belief that human beings had the potential for extra-normal abilities, and that they just might be real? That, life as we know it, isn’t as it seems. It reminds me of the old adage: “Be careful what you wish for, it just might come true”. This certainly seems to be the case with me. Because, I can’t explain any of it, except for the outside possibility that I am either going insane or that these are physical manifestations from some sort of cosmic or solar activity of which I’m not entirely aware of. Could there be a relationship to this sort of thing? I don’t know, maybe. It sure makes everything that is happening that much more intriguing and introduces the distinct possibility that everything we know of on this planet and beyond, is connected through a subtle field of energy and intelligence, that is not necessarily a result of happenstance. My apparent arousal of this evolutionary energy suggests to me that all human beings have this innately within them, and that through a more complete understanding of our self, we can bring this forth. And, if this is the case, whereby we can initiate an evolutionary change within our body, mind, and spirit in this way; it absolutely cannot be said that we are simply a product of chance adaptation over time – as taught to us by scholars throughout the world. And that, yes, there is in fact some sort of intelligent design that permeates all living things and we are all progressing down the same path towards a higher consciousness. It just may not necessarily be the same design that religions of the world tell us it is.

Everything that has occurred is causing me to reflect on my life and wonder about what I went through and learned in my past experiences that allowed me to reach this point. When I think about the esoteric nature of kundalini energy, or as it’s referred to in other cultures and religions as chi, holy spirit, or n/um; it makes me think of something that only the most dedicated and spiritual of us could ever attain. I envision holy men high atop a mountain monastery meditating most of the day, or religious adepts who spend all their time giving to others and praying to a god. I’ve never thought of these terms as being synonymous with what everyday people could achieve within a lifetime. But, why wouldn’t I? That would suggest that some people are more superior to others in terms of spiritual potential. And, perhaps this is just my misconception or ignorance about the whole process. At the same time, it never made sense to me to think that in order to take that next evolutionary step in life, you have to give up everything and meditate all day long. If that were the case, nothing would ever get accomplished in the world. So, I suppose in that sense, there has always been something inside me that believed everyone had the potential to consciously evolve, while simultaneously living a normal life, and that there was no one strict way of doing it.

The question to me was always just – how to do it? In my life I’ve always done things my own way, by having to actually learn lessons myself, instead of being told what I should do. This, I think, is a key to it all. I actually remember asking myself on many occasions as I grew up, “Why do I always have to learn things the hard way?” It meant that I had to personally experience life, good and bad, in order to really digest it and make it a part of me, to learn my lessons so to speak. I suppose I can thank my parents to some degree, for allowing me the freedom to go about and make my own decisions on things. This opportunity for self-learning in order to better understand ourselves and how we interact with others is one, of a number of different areas in life that we need to embrace, in order to achieve a well-balanced mind, body, and spirit. Everything is connected, as we will see. Our thought process affects our physical body, which in turn affects our perceptions of ourselves, which affects how we interact with others in the world, which is then related to psychological and spiritual growth; and it just goes back-and-forth and round-and-round in every imaginable direction. There is nothing in isolation from anything else, except for the illusions we create within our own minds. In the end, it is this oneness, this understanding of the inter-connectedness in life that allows us to perceive a greater reality of consciousness and opens the door to higher evolution.

My experiences leading up to this awakening go back beyond the last year. Although in retrospect, I can see a series of events and realizations in that year alone that convince me that I was in some sort of final grounding for what was to come. This includes physical, psychological, intellectual, and spiritual growth and changes. I know this may sound generic in a sense, but with everything that I was going through, that I was learning about, it had some impact on my personality in all these different areas. As a result of everything that has happened, I believe that life has a way of providing exactly what you need on a daily basis, in order to continue your evolution towards becoming a more enlightened human being. A key though is to be aware that things actually do happen for a reason, that synchronicities are real, and that you need to make a conscious effort to learn from all your experiences in order to take lessons from them. This suggests to me that nature, or our environment, is part of the infinite intelligence of the universe and knows exactly what is needed in life at all times. In this way, we therefore have to respect and live in harmony with nature. There have been far too many things leading up to this that one might attribute to mere coincidence, that led me from one thing to the next and to the next – all in what appears to be an intelligent and organized plan of action. I can see this in hindsight and can literally map out how my thought process and spiritual knowledge had transformed over the final months. It absolutely amazes me when I think about it! And, I don’t necessarily attribute this to me having a plan of action in place, with an intention to achieve some sort of spiritual awakening. But, rather that I was spontaneously provided information at just the right time, that directed my efforts in just the right way, to then realize this outcome.

When I suggest the idea that life provides everything you need in order to continue your evolution, I imagine this might seem strange to many who aren’t used to thinking in this way. In some sense then, this statement makes it seem like we don’t have complete control over our own destinies, and that there is some intelligent force beyond our grasp that has some say in how our lives end up. I obviously can’t confirm or prove any of this. But, I’m saying that I believe without a doubt, that there is an intelligent force, a design, that is relentlessly guiding everyone and everything to a higher state of being. But, as conscious beings ourselves, we have to learn our lessons in the physical world, in our own way, in order to take that next step along the path. It is this very idea of “in our own way” that allows each one of us to individualize our own evolution and to be able to effect change regardless of who we are physically or intellectually or spiritually.

As I mentioned before, going into the second week, I did have several more experiences at night when the energy had manifested in a noticeable way. But, because of its apparent transformation during the first week, it happened in a more controlled manner and with primarily a more pronounced feeling in my head. This occurred twice that week, for short periods, at times when I had gone to bed after either meditating or having already been in a deeper, contemplative-type mood. I again started to question what it was that triggered this effect and whether or not it was a direct result of my state of mind. During the daylight hours I continued to feel out of sorts, mostly with pressure in my head, strange aches and pains throughout my body, exhaustion, and a sense of being outside my physical body much of the time. My lack of sleep still continued in part due to my existing sleeping arrangements, and because of what I perceived to be the toll this force was taking on my body through the persistent, subtle flow of energy I was experiencing. It seemed that at any time, I could bring myself into a meditative state and noticeably feel the current of energy flowing up and around in my brain. During those times when I thought it was going away, I would test myself by doing this, to see if I still felt the same way. What became peculiar to me, was that when I really did start to think it was going away, oftentimes it would spontaneously become more pronounced, as to remind me that it doesn’t just go away.

It was sometimes difficult trying to work while feeling like I was living outside of my body. The look in my eyes must have told others that something wasn’t quite right, because I felt as though I was staring through people in a daze when talking with them. Or, as I perceived on several occasions, my gaze into another person’s eyes seemed to be so still and unyielding, that it seemed as though I was trying to peer into their soul during conversation. I often felt the need to look away in another direction, as to not make the person feel too uncomfortable with me being so intent on maintaining a visual connection. And yet, I was so intrigued with this aspect of it all, and that my soul seemed to be so relaxed and in a constant state of internal reflection and peace, and that my visual senses reflected such an immense deepening on the inside that I couldn’t quite explain. For whatever reason, my verbal abilities had been affected in such a way that I had some difficulty speaking and verbalizing ideas as quickly and easily as before. I was slower in my speech like you might notice when either completely exhausted or on some sort of prescription drug that makes you artificially drowsy. This still seems to be affecting me now, several years later – at least on a periodic basis and at random times.

The First Week

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It seemed like just an ordinary Sunday night on May 7, 2012, when the kids all went to bed relatively early, and I had a chance to go off to the back room of my house and meditate for a short period of time, which I hadn’t had a chance to do for several days. For whatever reason, it only lasted about fifteen minutes or so, but it did seem long enough to at least settle down my mind from the day’s events and for me to realize some sense of inner quiet. In retrospect, there was nothing different about this time compared to any other time. Although, usually I try to meditate for longer periods, since it takes me at least this long to just start to remove the extraneous thoughts from my mind. Afterward though, I went off to bed with my wife who was still awake reading a book by a small light, with the thought that maybe I would lay down next to her and do a little more meditation. Because at that point, I also started to practice doing my meditation while lying on my back in bed. This didn’t exactly work out, as my wife had conversation on her mind and wanted to talk about a few things first, which then led us both to falling asleep. Unbeknownst to me, and on a subtle level, something was seemingly already occurring within my body that would lead to an inexplicable experience that night – one that would fundamentally and permanently alter my view on the true nature of the human body. An experience, that if I hadn’t any previous knowledge or information as to what might be occurring, would surely have frightened me more than it did and cause me to think supernatural forces were taking over or that I was being possessed in some way by some other form of entity.

Before I get into what happened that night, I want to preface it with something I think is in some way related – something that happened to me unexpectedly as I was returning home from work a few weeks earlier. This event or rather experience was short-lived compared to what ultimately began to happen to me that night in May, and consisted of a a sudden and intense surge of what felt like energy or vibration rippling up from deep within the core of my body and moving in an upward direction towards my neck and head. My initial thought was that it felt like a continuously flowing stream of water, like how a hose might feel if you stuck it in a pool of water and pressed it up against your body while you were in it. This happened to me for about a minute or two on my drive home from work one night, as I sat there quietly looking out the window and going down the road, not necessarily thinking about anything deep or philosophical. It was one of those times when the radio was off and I was more or less on auto-pilot going down the road, just wanting to free myself from work and get as far away from that place as possible. Needless to say, what happened was a little disconcerting. It seemingly came completely out of nowhere, which sort of makes sense to me in some strange way because it is only when we are empty of thoughts or desires and not trying to force something, that what we truly seek spontaneously shows itself to us. In this case, if you want to think of it as an initial onset of kundalini, a trickling release; then perhaps because I was in a state of silence and nothingness, or at least approaching it, that it began to show itself.

At first though, I thought I was having some sort of anxiety attack that was manifesting itself into what might be considered as “butterflies” in the chest, or maybe something like an esophageal spasm. When I was younger, I used to experience these on occasion whenever I got nervous about certain things. But, as I sat and tried to figure out what was happening to me, I realized that this didn’t feel the same, not at all. My breathing was relatively normal which hadn’t been the case in the past when the spasms occurred, due mostly to being overly stressed. It was also coming from deeper within my body in an unyielding way, somewhat transient in a sense that it only last a minute or so, but not inconsistent in terms of the movement being steady. For some reason, it also didn’t seem to make my heart race faster than usual, which you might expect to happen. I also haven’t experienced that sort of thing in quite a long time. What was it then? Was I really stressed out about something on a subconscious level? I tried to keep my mind calm and control myself as much as I could for that minute or so while I was driving down the highway. It seemed like a long time – maybe longer than the few minutes I thought it was. But then, as suddenly as it appeared, it just disappeared. Because at that point, I had recently spent so much time reading and practicing meditation, one of the other possibilities that went through my mind was that it was related to the awakening of a kundalini-like energy. However, in light of the fact I only had a basic understanding of this and of the body’s chakras, and that I only recently started digging deeply into this type of spirituality, I couldn’t completely convince myself that this was in fact the case. I assumed in some way that this was a necessary prerequisite in order to have this experience. Never mind the fact that I was driving down the road while it happened. Some people spend their whole lives studying chakras and practicing yoga and meditation, all with the goal of awakening this mysterious force within the human body. How can I even remotely expect to have this kind of experience so soon? In fact, at the time I’m not even sure I believed this event was anything significant – I went back and forth within myself, second-guessing whether or not this was anything real, in spite of the fact that something strange had obviously happened to me. But, because it was too unbelievable and too peculiar, I continued to try and write it off as something more rational.

Like everyone else growing up in the United States, I have been exposed to a media-saturated and materialistic society and way of living as long as I can remember, and it absolutely isn’t conducive to awakening anything other than oneself to get to work each day and continue to participate in the rat race. In spite of this, I still found myself trying to resist conformity to the status quo and questioning reality to some extent, as a natural manifestation of my inherent personality – even though I didn’t quite understand why as a child. When I think about this strange event and what it might be in relation to kundalini, I ask myself if it’s necessary to live in total silence and isolation for years to achieve this. Is it possible for someone from the western world to see through the continuous noise and distraction for any significant period of time, in order to discover the true nature of reality, or at least start to approach it in some way? Maybe, but am I that someone? These were some of the thoughts and questions that came to mind as I wrestled to come to terms with this new peculiarity in my life.

When these questions did present themselves to me, I tried to think about the process of kundalini and how the experience is supposed to be different for each person, based on one’s individual life and needs. This is supposedly the nature of it all, and a next step in conscious evolution, as I’ve been reading it by people who claim to have some mystical experience in the area. Sometimes it occurs spontaneously and all-at-once, shocking the system to some degree, with a period of time afterward when the person struggles to learn and understand the process. In this case, I imagine that it would be terribly confusing to try and figure out what is happening to your body without having any background information on it or help from others in the know. Other times, it supposedly progresses slowly throughout life. Here, I envision that people are either born with the process actively working within them, or that something subtle is initiated from an early age, and things slowly and relentlessly evolve over time. The question then would be, why are some people born with it and others not? Does this mean that we are reincarnated from past lives over and over again until we reach a certain point in understanding and then it’s released? Do we somehow subconsciously know it’s already active in our bodies, which is the real reason why we feel different from others? And, if so, maybe we just don’t question it so much because it all feels normal to us. We just don’t know any other way. What then does it mean to be normal? Thinking back on my life, I can always remember that I felt somewhat different from everyone else and that I never completely fit in with others. I was generally quieter and more introspective, and I always looked for deeper meanings to things – never really satisfied with common explanations given to me about life. It’s not that I didn’t have fun and socialize to some extent, but it’s that I had another side to my personality, a different way of viewing things, that always reared it’s head and forced me think more philosophically. I often wondered if other people were like me in this way.

Since I was a child, I had been exposed to people and had experiences that really catalyzed a different perspective on things – one that sought the truth and took the path less traveled. One that, again, was more metaphysically-oriented in nature. Was this philosophical nature a symptom, causing me to intuit something at a young age that was a precursor to what I’m now experiencing? Have I been doing the mental work throughout my life that needed to be done in order to reach this point? Strangely, I also always had an underlying sense that I needed to balance what I did in life, in all aspects, and in an almost compulsive way – at least internally. Maybe I’m going off on a tangent, but I think it’s to dig deeper into understanding what is required of human beings, in terms of mental aptitude and understanding, so that we might consciously seek out this type of evolutionary change or at least better understand how it is initiated.

Getting back to my experience that night, I remember waking up suddenly after dreaming that I got hit in the head by some sort of object. As with many dreams in my past, I often times don’t remember them when I wake up. I don’t think the details of it are all that important here though, but just that it ended in what felt like my physical death, and one that instantly caused me to wake up from my sleeping state. I heard an extremely loud cracking sound at the same time, which I naturally associated with being hit. When this happened, I felt a cool, tingly sensation spreading across the top of my head. Given the fact that in my dream I was hit in the head, my first thought was that maybe my skull had been fractured, or that I had been shot by a gun, and that this sensation was actually blood pouring out of it. The continuity with which I felt this sensation between sleep and wakefulness was uninterrupted though, and really made me question the truth about which state I was actually in. How can I have the same exact feeling while I was asleep and then after waking up? Was I still dreaming in my sleep or now awake, or was it the lingering after-effect when you start to wake up, but still have that semi-conscious, in-between feeling? To make matters even more bewildering, I felt the same energy and vibration that I had experienced several weeks before while I was driving home from work. Now though, it was streaming non-stop and in full force up my spine and pouring into my head, then back down again throughout my body in a tantalizingly intense, sexually-orgasmic sensation. I felt like I had absolutely no control over what was happening to me, and I’m not sure I wanted to try and control it. It was simultaneously both fear inducing and awe inspiring because of the intense nature of the vibration, but also because on some level I felt overcome by something that was now in control of my physical body, which went on continuously and unabated for hours it seemed.

I questioned myself again as to what was happening to my body – was I really awake or still dreaming? I rose out of bed trying to feel my arms and hands. I waved them around and even sat up and contemplated getting out of bed to take a walk downstairs. I looked at my wife and daughter laying next to me and could clearly hear them breathing. All of this I did to try and determine what state I was in, and nothing about it told me that I was still asleep. I remember my daughter moving around, as she had done throughout the night, taking up our bed space. I actually verified this account with my wife in the morning. This feeling of energy flowing up my spine, into my head, and throughout my body went on and on for hours without much dissipation. It seemed to “fountain” into my head in waves and pulses and my brain felt awash in something miraculous that is difficult to describe in a way that would accurately convey the beauty of what was happening. I can’t find the words, it seems, to sufficiently convey any deep meaning to what it was or really how my body was responding to all of this. In a sense though, I felt as though I was being purified and transformed, and that something deep down within the makeup of my body, on the most miniscule of levels had been activated, of which at that point I had little comprehension about. There were moments though, when I felt deeply concerned over what was happening. I fluctuated between periods of being really scared and feeling a miraculous sense of bliss. But, for some reason I knew that this must be related to what I was reading about and practicing during meditation; and I remembered that if this were the case, I should just go with it and not resist. Yet, on another level, I was in absolute disbelief that I had this clearly discernible energy now affecting my entire body. I asked myself what else it could be, if not a kundalini-like, spiritual activation of some sort. It felt purifying and wonderful and left me in a sense of awe over how helpless I truly was in the whole experience. It had taken over. I didn’t experience bright, white lights or halos over my head or glowingly, beautiful environments, there was no noise whatsoever after the initial sound from the dream (at least that I can remember), and I didn’t travel through some spiritual ether witnessing the origins to all of existence. But, I nonetheless attributed what I was experiencing to the same source of energy and intelligence that those before me referred to as a kundalini awakening.

The thought of a previously unknown and ostensibly uncontrollable force doing something to my body frightened me beyond belief, regardless of the fact that I thought I knew what it was. When those thoughts came to mind, I immediately tried to remove the negativity and at least accept it for what I thought it was. The whole time I was testing myself to see if I was in some sort of lucid dream or if this was reality. I remember pushing my daughter over towards the middle of the bed on several occasions, because she was too close to me. So, this helped to affirm to me that I was now awake. This first phase lasted for what seemed like at least an hour with little let up. But, it did start to dissipate somewhat and eventually I started to get tired enough to fall asleep again. But, as I started crossed the boundary though, between waking consciousness and sleep, I was immediately hit with another full force of energy flowing up through my entire body again, as if to communicate to me that I needed to stay awake and experience what was going on.

This same cycle continued over and over with me feeling this new energy pulsing upwards in my body and then slowing down, only to once again allow me to start falling back asleep, and experience the cycle all over again. This served to remind me that something important was happening that needed to be observed and learned from, and it wasn’t going to let me not do that – as if I actually needed to be reminded of anything. I’m not sure how long this went on for that first night, it seemed like it went for many hours – maybe even for most of the night. I somehow though, eventually fell asleep and stayed that way until morning. My guess is that I at least got a few hours of sleep. Why it stopped and let me do that, I don’t know. Maybe that’s just how the whole process works. If you are ready for the experience, it knows exactly how to apply itself to you in perfect balance. I quite honestly don’t know how else to explain it.

Needless to say, when I woke up the next morning, I most certainly felt different from all the previous mornings before that. I had a deepened sense of quiet and wonderment about what had happened, still asking myself whether or not it was all just a dream. I felt calm and peaceful as never before in my life, still trying to envision what kind of work was being done inside my body and mind. Was it still occurring? If so, how was it different now that it was daytime, and I was awake and the energy seemingly had gone away? Was it still flowing through me on a much less powerful scale, largely imperceptible to my senses? I had so many questions and no definitive answers. I remember laying in bed before getting up and looking at my wife who was standing in the doorway to the room, and she made a comment to the effect that I looked like I had a secret to tell or something. I didn’t know what to say at the time and just gave her an awkward grin because I was still just in a state of confusion – not knowing how to respond to any of it. Maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be. I then just got up out of bed like any other morning, at least with respect to going about my usual morning rituals of eating breakfast and taking a shower – albeit with a level of introspection unparalleled in my past. The whole time I was questioning to some degree my state of reality and sanity. This is impossible, I thought. There has to be some other explanation as to what’s happening to me. I must be really stressed out or anxious about something. I asked myself if something was coming up in life that may be starting to stress me out. What is causing my body to react in such an extreme way? But, I just couldn’t think of any rational reason to explain it.

I went to work in total silence and spent a good part of the day that way. I remember speaking very little to anyone, only when absolutely needed in order to get my work done. To no small degree, it was difficult for me to stay focused and motivated on my work, with all these thoughts running through my mind. I wondered continually, whether or not another eruption of energy was going to rise up through me while I was still at work. It scared the hell out of me. What would I do? Would others notice that something appeared wrong with me? How would I make it home, and how would I tell my wife, who I had not yet talked to about what was happening to me? I couldn’t even imagine how to begin explaining my experience to her, because I feared she would think I was going completely insane. I did make it through the day though, in relative normalcy – at least from an external perspective. And, when I got home, I was still my quiet, reflective self – even more so as my wife had noticed and mentioned to me. I wasn’t quite ready to say anything to her, as I was still unsure what was going on and just went about my evening as best I could. In some way, I thought this was just a strange, one-time event and I would go back to being normal again. Little did I realize at the time, that was never going to happen – I had been abruptly and permanently changed from what I was into someone else.

Even though the feelings of energy flowing into my head had been relieved throughout the day, I continued to feel a subtle sense of vibration and gentle movement in my head. When I focused on it, it seemed to show itself a little more as another reminder of what was now influencing my body. As the sun set and nighttime approached, I started wondering again if this same effect was going to come back as I slept. I had a sense of nervousness and anticipation of the changes that might occur. This is what I had been reading and meditating on for quite a while now, so I asked myself why I should be in a state of fear or anxiety over it? That night, as I sat with my son reading a book to him and he fell asleep, the anticipation started to grow. But, nothing had happened. I fell into a light sleep next to him in his bed with no apparent changes. I woke up a short while later, still relatively early in the evening, to go downstairs and turn everything off before going back to my own bed. The memories of the night before were still fresh in my mind and it obviously had an effect on my ability to fully relax and fall asleep. But, it did eventually happen. And, once again, I felt this strange energy rising from deep within me and start to well up throughout my body and into my head. It wasn’t as intense an experience as the night before – although still quite out-of-the-ordinary. But, it was the same repeating cycle, with the energy subsiding over time, me starting to fall asleep, and it waking me right back up again in full force. Again, all of this lasted for most of the night before I was finally able to fall asleep and stay that way. Based on this experience, I can only surmise that this seemingly infinite flow of energy and intelligence has the ability to maximize its potential in the unconscious state of mind found within sleep itself. Or, at least for me, it does this during the time when my mind and body is most relaxed and quiet.

My initial thoughts and expectations about this awakening, as I’ve read about it in a somewhat limited amount, were that bright, white lights would appear, objects would start to glow with beautiful luminescence, and that things would start to move and flow around me in perhaps some sort of psychedelic, drug induced, trip-like experience. None of this, exactly, has been a part of it so far. In the first few nights, what I experienced can best be described as an overwhelming sense of purification within my body, an entirely internalized and personal spiritual transformation of sorts, devoid of any visualizations outside of my own imagination as to what’s happening. All the accumulated stuff that had built up over the years, that had been sitting there and holding me back, and degrading my energy levels or potential, was being burned or melted away in one fell swoop. What felt like a massive river of energy, immersed itself throughout my body from head to toe. In particular, in my head, where the energy arose after streaming up through my spine and into the base of my skull, glistened and exploded into what felt like a fountain of pure bliss. This has redefined for me in such a significant way, what I previously thought an orgasm felt like. At times there appeared no end to it, over and over again it continued, making me think simultaneously how beautiful and amazing it all is – but also how completely and physically exhausting. But it did ultimately start to fade away, only to then begin a new cycle. Periodically, these sensations pulsed up and down through my body, down to my arms and legs, equivalent to the orgasmic feeling in my head – but now on a greater scale. I got the sense that as this force does its work, the entire makeup of my body down to the most minute level is being reprogrammed into something different. What that will ultimately end up as, has yet to be determined, if anything.

As I experience this and reflect upon what is happening to me, I start to question how it is that during the day, the energy seems to mostly go away, while at nighttime it comes back again. If it isn’t acting in the same capacity while I’m going about my daily work, why does it then want to keep me awake at night time to observe its action? Is it simply about being in a state of total relaxation in order to bring it about? If I were to start meditating right now during the day, and reached that point of relaxation and quiet, would it start up again? Should I be doing this? Or, do I need to maintain a balance between what is now happening to me and a period of recuperation that is obviously necessary for my body? Maybe one of the most important things to do is to not force the issue, and let it run its course without trying to meditate my way into it. That’s not to say I think meditation during the day should be avoided entirely. I think though, that I need to really listen to my intuition and what it’s telling me to do, and how to react as my body changes.

Again, as the third night of sleep approached, I had a sense of nervousness and anticipation. My only thoughts were whether or not it would come back, like it had before, and keep me up all night. If it did, would it be the same, different, or maybe even more intense than before? How was my body going to react to it? How much of this can I physically take? Even though the intensity of the feelings I had last night were somewhat lessened from the night before, I just didn’t know what the night was going to bring. I think my nervousness was similar in some way to a form of resistance to it, which is not how I wanted to feel out of fear it might cause some sort of problem. It seemed to hold off for a while though, but ultimately as I lay in bed becoming more and more relaxed, I felt the same feelings returning to my body. I was apprehensive about the upward movement of energy that had occurred initially, not really knowing if this was good or bad or something in between. At times it felt a little out of control. This didn’t occur though as it had the past few days. What I did feel seemed constrained mostly within the head and neck area. This is where the feelings were most intense. I could feel a surge of energy, although this time it was more subtle coming straight up my spine, and then it just exploded into my head in the same way as before. At times, it almost seemed as if the current flowing up had concentrated itself into a narrower stream deep within my spine, and that it only broke free once reaching an opening at the base of my skull and again forming into a fountain of pure energy. This seemed to make it a little gentler to take on my body. It was truly amazing and I took it all in without the least amount of resistance in any way. This too went about its business in ebbs and flows, but not necessarily consistent with my state of wakefulness or sleep as it did before. It seemed like this night was the most difficult for me to actually fall asleep in any way and that the feelings in my head persisted on and off regardless. This was accompanied by tingling sensations up and down my arms and in my fingers for the entire time. What was most bizarre though, were the gentle surges of energy which seemed to penetrate my jaw bone and teeth, stimulating the nerves to react in pain for just a few seconds before going away.

Throughout the next day at work is when I probably felt the most out of sorts and ill-feeling, with a constant headache, dizziness, and periods of nausea. All of this was coupled with the undeniable knowledge that something was still occurring within my body, which I knew was ultimately the cause of all this disruption in normalcy. Yet, I didn’t necessarily think it was problematic in any way, other than the fact that I just had to get through this discomfort and uneasiness until I started adapting to it. At least at that point, I thought I would adapt to it over time. I would have rather stayed home, except I had a lot of work to do, but ultimately left a little early as my level of discomfort got the best of me. I was still quite out-of-it when I got home and was more or less useless to my wife in helping with the kids during their “witching” hour after dinner. She was irreplaceable during that time, as I think I went up to bed around 6:30 or 7:00 o’clock for the night. This actually allowed her to spend some time with my son Owen who normally likes to have me read to him in bed every night.

Before actually falling asleep that night, of which it didn’t take much time for me to do; I spent a few minutes having an internal conversation about what had transpired over the past three nights, and questioning the reasons for how powerful and relentless the flow of energy actually was in my body. I distinctly remember reading about other people’s experiences with this and how they noted that it took months and even years to go through a process of understanding and adapting to this enhanced energy, before things calmed down from a physical and psychological standpoint. The thought of this frightened me, as I was already worn out physically from just a few days. In the back of my mind though, I felt that there would probably be a period of adjustment in the beginning that proved somewhat difficult, but then I would feel better soon after. At least, this is what I had hoped for. As I have always done in the past, I started to question the validity of what these other people were saying. Not that they weren’t being truthful, but that maybe there was some other understanding that hadn’t been realized. I wondered that if this release of energy was what I thought it was, and was nothing but pure intelligence and potentiality – knowing perfectly well what needed to be done within the body, why then would the process prove so harsh? Why wouldn’t it just know the perfect amount of energy to produce in order to maximize the effects – rather than inundate the body over and over again until it was exhausted of all life force and vitality? As I asked myself this, I answered my own question with the affirmative – that being the fact that no reason existed within my mind why such an evolved and intelligent force would not know how to control itself, as to support the health and wellness of the body it is supposed to be transforming. I actually believed this in my mind as I said it to myself, because it just didn’t make sense to me. Although, as I sit here writing this, none of it makes much sense to me. What I’m learning about this whole experience so far, is that I really need to be aware about what is happening and try to understand the forces working within me. In my mind, it seems to be the only way to quickly and fully adapt to it and integrate it into some semblance of a normal lifestyle, without it overwhelming over my life.

The next day proved better as I started to return to a more normal state – that of interacting with people at work and at home without feeling like I was only partially there. I was still tired, but overall I had a much higher level of energy than the previous three days. I was also still struggling with trying to understand why and how my body had changed so suddenly and coming to terms with realizing a new truth about the nature of our reality. Because, what I had studied and practiced through purely intellectual and spiritual curiosity had actually manifested itself to me in my physical body. How could this be so? It makes me wonder what other potentials exist within the human body that we are currently unaware of. To me then, this borders on something almost magical and opens up a doorway that it seems we can all walk through to experience infinite possibilities. My beliefs about what I considered to be real had just been permanently changed. Going into the next night was very similar to the previous one, in which little happened as it did the first three nights. Although, when I sit still in bed, I can feel a constant low-level vibration in my head and sense that energy is streaming into it almost imperceptibly on a regular basis. My only thought is that my individual perception that it has the ability to control itself to be gentler on my body – has actually occurred. So, it continues to flow non-stop at a more even and bearable level, so that my body can resume normal living.

The rest of the first week had more or less mimicked this, in that I continued to get some sort of normal sleep, as I had, without any intense expression of energy flowing through my body. My days continued to feel relatively normal, for the most part, except for the fact that my body was still somewhat fatigued, and my level of contemplation and introspection as to what was really going on within me had been elevated without abatement. This, I think, is due to the irrefutable fact that I had experienced a personal event that I could neither fully explain nor deny, and because I was now seemingly (and literally) vibrating at a higher level which required me to think about life in a vastly different way. I felt as though I had no other choice in the matter. Still, at this point, I hadn’t found the words to fully describe what was happening to me, and to do it in a way that wasn’t going to make my wife think I’ve gone completely insane. Because, I had reached a point where I could no longer deny the fact that fundamental changes had been occurring within me that had not gone away, and of which I’m sure will persist into the future. So my excuse that this was some sort of extended dream that would somehow go away, and that I would just resume normal life, no longer held any water. I now had no excuse for not talking with her about it. Even during my waking hours now, when I wonder whether or not I am still my old self, I get reminded through the myriad of strange feelings and sensations happening all over my body that things have changed. These include sensations of heat and tingling, various aches and pains, anxiety, a sense of shallow breathing, and light-headedness that makes me feel like I am both walking within this physical reality and another world – as if my body is vibrating at a level that brings me to the doorstep between physical and ethereal dimensions. It is in a way, a feeling of detachment from everything physical and an expanded awareness of consciousness beyond what we perceive everyday in this world. Either that, or I continue to try and convince myself that this has all been an extremely weird, lucid dream, and I am going to wake up one day soon as if nothing happened and go on with life as usual.

There is always an impetus in the back of my mind that tries to bring out the logical part of my personality, and is trying to figure out if I have some sort of unknown physical illness that is causing all of this. But, when I do, my intuition tells me that’s not the case. I’ve never heard of an illness that brings about feelings of joy and purification, regardless of the strange physical symptoms. Still, here I am, mired in my worldly conditioning of thought trying to apply some rational reasoning to something that seems so profoundly otherworldly. The relative speed with which the intensity of the feelings became subdued and controlled, along with the peculiarity of it showing itself fully during sleep, are still an enigma to me. My previous thoughts on the matter are all that I have, as they seem to make sense out of something that clearly doesn’t concern itself with making sense. This only adds to the questions I have about what is happening, and perhaps holding me back from fully embracing the truth about what it is. My sense of waking consciousness is now relatively even-keeled, with of course the subtle feeling of being on the outside – looking in. Or, in other words, as if who I really was – my consciousness awareness, was emanating from some other place, looking through my eyes and out to the world I live in. This is coupled with the knowing that I am still in complete control of my body and actions, able to interact on a normal basis, and yet simultaneously part of something else much larger and deeper and more connected with everything. Perhaps this is all just part of the initial expanding consciousness that everyone goes through as a result of this experience.

As the first week passes and I go into the next, I wonder what it will bring. Will my recent respite continue or will I once again succumb to the initial flow of energy and vibrations throughout my body that I had mostly felt during sleeping hours? After testing the waters a little bit and spending some time meditating before going to bed one night, I noticed a return of activity shortly after. It wasn’t nearly as intense or long as before, but it was certainly a noticeable change from the previous few days when I hadn’t meditated and nothing noticeable occurred. I don’t really know why. But, I’m starting to think that without the continued practice of meditation, you can’t fully experience the potential of this transformation. The now ever-present streaming flow into my head has caused me to think about and visualize where this is coming from, and how it is navigating its way up my spine. How is it interacting with the energy centers now, if at all? I tend to think about the third eye chakra, if not only because I’ve read a lot about it. And, for whatever reason, I now feel a warm sensation and tingling between the brow of my eyes, as if my muscles or nerves were twitching and contracting. This seemed to last for an hour or so and then went away, as I fell asleep for a short period of time. After that it didn’t come back, yet I continued to have trouble falling back to sleep again because of my thoughts about it actually returning.