In the months leading up to the most profound personal experience I’ve had in life, when I began to seriously think about how I could change my life from what it was to something else beyond the everyday routine, and to something more in tune with what nature originally meant for us; I found myself reading insatiably about everything and anything related to mysticism and spirituality. I had an unparalleled interest like nothing in my past, an urge to discover the true nature of humanity, and how we might have the potential to progress beyond a mere life of materialism and physicality into something more transcendent. I suspect this was at least somewhat related to the looming breakdown of society and my natural impulse to try and find something positive and meaningful that might overshadow all the negative things that were happening across the world. This too had been occurring in perhaps some of the most trying times in modern history, with much of the world stuck in a global economic depression that was slowly and incessantly destroying the lives of many, and the primary driving force in causing a major global war. The timing of it seems almost too coincidental for me, with all of this going on, and at the culmination between major galactic cycles, that being the Age of Pisces and the Age of Aquarius, when the age of illusion transforms into that of enlightenment. This isn’t to say that I didn’t already have some inclination into spirituality and the idea that an alternate reality (or realities) existed outside of what we see everyday. Because I have, and as I’ve discovered in the process, I think something had been going on within me on a subtle level for a long time prior to this.
From the beginning of the experience, which seems almost too surreal to believe, I felt the need to document what was happening to me, in part out of the fear that I might forget it over time. But, also because I thought it was necessary to have something manifest to prove to myself that something real was actually occurring and I wasn’t becoming delusional. In the back of my mind too, I suspected that I might have a meaningful story that I could share with others, at the very least for the benefit of my close family and friends. Writing my own story was something I had always wanted to do and had been thinking about in the previous years, but I never imagined it would be on a subject such as this. What was peculiar to me was that in the months prior to its advent, I had been practicing my writing regularly about my personal thoughts on family life and meditation. While doing this, I had a strange and foretelling feeling inside that what I was actually doing, was developing my writing style for a book about a spiritual journey that I was about to undertake. Although at the time, I had no idea about what specifically that journey might entail. Yet, I felt it strongly for some reason, as if I was now predestined to embark upon something unique and different from anything I’ve ever known in life. This feeling inside was one of the first inclinations I had related to what happened, that showed to me something outside the realm of normal conscious awareness was at work, and now moving me in a direction beyond just physical being. I attribute this idea, in a sense, to the opening up of my mind, a realization of spirit, and with finding a deeper connection with my environment that allowed a free flow of knowledge and information, of which we all have the ability to do. Because of my experiences to date, I now believe we have this innately within us, if given the right circumstances and state of mind, to experience something beyond the body and with a direct connection to universal creative forces.
As I will allude to later in the writing, prior to this spiritual awakening, I felt myself drifting farther away from normal everyday life and into some other place with only my self and nothing else. My state of mind got serenely quiet as I began to look within for answers to life’s questions, instead of seeking something external. I felt as though I was being pulled in by some mysterious force, that as I reached some unknown point in the beginning of my journey, there was no going back and I was destined to be changed forever. This has proven to be all too true in many different ways. Both in metaphysical terms with regard to my deepened spiritual connection through meditation, as well as with the physical symptoms I’ve experienced as a result of the changes my body has gone through. This perhaps has proven to be the most difficult for me at times, because of the fact that I still need to continue living a normal life, but now have to contend with an almost continual state of fatigue and host of psychosomatic stresses. For this, there seems to be no rational explanation that I can convey to my family that describes it fully or helps them understand that something real is happening to me and that I’m just trying to understand it and cope as best I can. I am fortunate though, to have a wife who is understanding of my needs and one who knows me intimately enough, with all my peculiarities, to see that something quite different is indeed happening to me.
What is it that I feel the need to share? To provide a relative sense of what it is I think I’m going through, to the best of my knowledge, and based upon the fact that my prior research into this area is at least somewhat influenced by Eastern meditation and philosophy; I would speculate that it is analogous to a kundalini awakening. The only reason I suggest this is to provide a starting point or reference so that any confusion about my documented experiences and thoughts can be put into some sort of context with similar stories. With some exception throughout this writing though, and as an introductory way of describing this phenomenon, I will sometimes use other terminology for explaining it. If only, for the sake of expressing my own unique experience and interpretation as to what is happening within the realms of spirituality and/or conscious evolution. My understanding is that this is not unique only to those in India or China or other native cultures, but to all of humanity. In this sense, all it represents is an original word that was used to describe what is innately within all of us. If in my mind I accepted this notion as fact, I would only be repeating aforementioned ideas and potentially predisposing my thought process based upon already-written texts about what I should be experiencing, or doing, as a result of this. My aim then is to make this my own, with as few external influences as possible, and to document my thought process as I go through it. This is after all, how I got to this point in the first place – by learning my own lessons in life, practicing my own form of meditation according to what felt natural to me, and by being open-minded enough to not constrict myself to any one ideology or religion.
You may notice too that as I write, I tend to go back and forth between a more simplistic, matter-of-fact style of writing to one that is a bit more fluid and natural and at least in my opinion, interesting in a literary way. This is also interspersed with personal reflections on what is happening to me at the time of writing, in terms of the psycho-physiological symptoms related to my experience. So, I might write more about philosophical ideas on how I perceive life and how I feel as though I’m changing in that respect. But, then as I actually experience something within my body or realize a change, I interject that into the body of writing with the notion that if I don’t, I might forget the details at a later time. Sometimes when I find myself sitting down to write, I have a deeper sense of calm and a feeling that words seemingly come out of nowhere, not simply by my mind trying to string together an interesting and cohesive sentence. But, rather, as if the connection between myself and this source of creativity is wide open, and I’m able to fluidly put my ideas down on paper (so to speak). That, there is a certain sense of energy and vibration to the way I write under these conditions, as opposed to when I try to force my writing at other times. This is how I perceive the variations in writing style throughout this story.