The First Week

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It seemed like just an ordinary Sunday night on May 7, 2012, when the kids all went to bed relatively early, and I had a chance to go off to the back room of my house and meditate for a short period of time, which I hadn’t had a chance to do for several days. For whatever reason, it only lasted about fifteen minutes or so, but it did seem long enough to at least settle down my mind from the day’s events and for me to realize some sense of inner quiet. In retrospect, there was nothing different about this time compared to any other time. Although, usually I try to meditate for longer periods, since it takes me at least this long to just start to remove the extraneous thoughts from my mind. Afterward though, I went off to bed with my wife who was still awake reading a book by a small light, with the thought that maybe I would lay down next to her and do a little more meditation. Because at that point, I also started to practice doing my meditation while lying on my back in bed. This didn’t exactly work out, as my wife had conversation on her mind and wanted to talk about a few things first, which then led us both to falling asleep. Unbeknownst to me, and on a subtle level, something was seemingly already occurring within my body that would lead to an inexplicable experience that night – one that would fundamentally and permanently alter my view on the true nature of the human body. An experience, that if I hadn’t any previous knowledge or information as to what might be occurring, would surely have frightened me more than it did and cause me to think supernatural forces were taking over or that I was being possessed in some way by some other form of entity.

Before I get into what happened that night, I want to preface it with something I think is in some way related – something that happened to me unexpectedly as I was returning home from work a few weeks earlier. This event or rather experience was short-lived compared to what ultimately began to happen to me that night in May, and consisted of a a sudden and intense surge of what felt like energy or vibration rippling up from deep within the core of my body and moving in an upward direction towards my neck and head. My initial thought was that it felt like a continuously flowing stream of water, like how a hose might feel if you stuck it in a pool of water and pressed it up against your body while you were in it. This happened to me for about a minute or two on my drive home from work one night, as I sat there quietly looking out the window and going down the road, not necessarily thinking about anything deep or philosophical. It was one of those times when the radio was off and I was more or less on auto-pilot going down the road, just wanting to free myself from work and get as far away from that place as possible. Needless to say, what happened was a little disconcerting. It seemingly came completely out of nowhere, which sort of makes sense to me in some strange way because it is only when we are empty of thoughts or desires and not trying to force something, that what we truly seek spontaneously shows itself to us. In this case, if you want to think of it as an initial onset of kundalini, a trickling release; then perhaps because I was in a state of silence and nothingness, or at least approaching it, that it began to show itself.

At first though, I thought I was having some sort of anxiety attack that was manifesting itself into what might be considered as “butterflies” in the chest, or maybe something like an esophageal spasm. When I was younger, I used to experience these on occasion whenever I got nervous about certain things. But, as I sat and tried to figure out what was happening to me, I realized that this didn’t feel the same, not at all. My breathing was relatively normal which hadn’t been the case in the past when the spasms occurred, due mostly to being overly stressed. It was also coming from deeper within my body in an unyielding way, somewhat transient in a sense that it only last a minute or so, but not inconsistent in terms of the movement being steady. For some reason, it also didn’t seem to make my heart race faster than usual, which you might expect to happen. I also haven’t experienced that sort of thing in quite a long time. What was it then? Was I really stressed out about something on a subconscious level? I tried to keep my mind calm and control myself as much as I could for that minute or so while I was driving down the highway. It seemed like a long time – maybe longer than the few minutes I thought it was. But then, as suddenly as it appeared, it just disappeared. Because at that point, I had recently spent so much time reading and practicing meditation, one of the other possibilities that went through my mind was that it was related to the awakening of a kundalini-like energy. However, in light of the fact I only had a basic understanding of this and of the body’s chakras, and that I only recently started digging deeply into this type of spirituality, I couldn’t completely convince myself that this was in fact the case. I assumed in some way that this was a necessary prerequisite in order to have this experience. Never mind the fact that I was driving down the road while it happened. Some people spend their whole lives studying chakras and practicing yoga and meditation, all with the goal of awakening this mysterious force within the human body. How can I even remotely expect to have this kind of experience so soon? In fact, at the time I’m not even sure I believed this event was anything significant – I went back and forth within myself, second-guessing whether or not this was anything real, in spite of the fact that something strange had obviously happened to me. But, because it was too unbelievable and too peculiar, I continued to try and write it off as something more rational.

Like everyone else growing up in the United States, I have been exposed to a media-saturated and materialistic society and way of living as long as I can remember, and it absolutely isn’t conducive to awakening anything other than oneself to get to work each day and continue to participate in the rat race. In spite of this, I still found myself trying to resist conformity to the status quo and questioning reality to some extent, as a natural manifestation of my inherent personality – even though I didn’t quite understand why as a child. When I think about this strange event and what it might be in relation to kundalini, I ask myself if it’s necessary to live in total silence and isolation for years to achieve this. Is it possible for someone from the western world to see through the continuous noise and distraction for any significant period of time, in order to discover the true nature of reality, or at least start to approach it in some way? Maybe, but am I that someone? These were some of the thoughts and questions that came to mind as I wrestled to come to terms with this new peculiarity in my life.

When these questions did present themselves to me, I tried to think about the process of kundalini and how the experience is supposed to be different for each person, based on one’s individual life and needs. This is supposedly the nature of it all, and a next step in conscious evolution, as I’ve been reading it by people who claim to have some mystical experience in the area. Sometimes it occurs spontaneously and all-at-once, shocking the system to some degree, with a period of time afterward when the person struggles to learn and understand the process. In this case, I imagine that it would be terribly confusing to try and figure out what is happening to your body without having any background information on it or help from others in the know. Other times, it supposedly progresses slowly throughout life. Here, I envision that people are either born with the process actively working within them, or that something subtle is initiated from an early age, and things slowly and relentlessly evolve over time. The question then would be, why are some people born with it and others not? Does this mean that we are reincarnated from past lives over and over again until we reach a certain point in understanding and then it’s released? Do we somehow subconsciously know it’s already active in our bodies, which is the real reason why we feel different from others? And, if so, maybe we just don’t question it so much because it all feels normal to us. We just don’t know any other way. What then does it mean to be normal? Thinking back on my life, I can always remember that I felt somewhat different from everyone else and that I never completely fit in with others. I was generally quieter and more introspective, and I always looked for deeper meanings to things – never really satisfied with common explanations given to me about life. It’s not that I didn’t have fun and socialize to some extent, but it’s that I had another side to my personality, a different way of viewing things, that always reared it’s head and forced me think more philosophically. I often wondered if other people were like me in this way.

Since I was a child, I had been exposed to people and had experiences that really catalyzed a different perspective on things – one that sought the truth and took the path less traveled. One that, again, was more metaphysically-oriented in nature. Was this philosophical nature a symptom, causing me to intuit something at a young age that was a precursor to what I’m now experiencing? Have I been doing the mental work throughout my life that needed to be done in order to reach this point? Strangely, I also always had an underlying sense that I needed to balance what I did in life, in all aspects, and in an almost compulsive way – at least internally. Maybe I’m going off on a tangent, but I think it’s to dig deeper into understanding what is required of human beings, in terms of mental aptitude and understanding, so that we might consciously seek out this type of evolutionary change or at least better understand how it is initiated.

Getting back to my experience that night, I remember waking up suddenly after dreaming that I got hit in the head by some sort of object. As with many dreams in my past, I often times don’t remember them when I wake up. I don’t think the details of it are all that important here though, but just that it ended in what felt like my physical death, and one that instantly caused me to wake up from my sleeping state. I heard an extremely loud cracking sound at the same time, which I naturally associated with being hit. When this happened, I felt a cool, tingly sensation spreading across the top of my head. Given the fact that in my dream I was hit in the head, my first thought was that maybe my skull had been fractured, or that I had been shot by a gun, and that this sensation was actually blood pouring out of it. The continuity with which I felt this sensation between sleep and wakefulness was uninterrupted though, and really made me question the truth about which state I was actually in. How can I have the same exact feeling while I was asleep and then after waking up? Was I still dreaming in my sleep or now awake, or was it the lingering after-effect when you start to wake up, but still have that semi-conscious, in-between feeling? To make matters even more bewildering, I felt the same energy and vibration that I had experienced several weeks before while I was driving home from work. Now though, it was streaming non-stop and in full force up my spine and pouring into my head, then back down again throughout my body in a tantalizingly intense, sexually-orgasmic sensation. I felt like I had absolutely no control over what was happening to me, and I’m not sure I wanted to try and control it. It was simultaneously both fear inducing and awe inspiring because of the intense nature of the vibration, but also because on some level I felt overcome by something that was now in control of my physical body, which went on continuously and unabated for hours it seemed.

I questioned myself again as to what was happening to my body – was I really awake or still dreaming? I rose out of bed trying to feel my arms and hands. I waved them around and even sat up and contemplated getting out of bed to take a walk downstairs. I looked at my wife and daughter laying next to me and could clearly hear them breathing. All of this I did to try and determine what state I was in, and nothing about it told me that I was still asleep. I remember my daughter moving around, as she had done throughout the night, taking up our bed space. I actually verified this account with my wife in the morning. This feeling of energy flowing up my spine, into my head, and throughout my body went on and on for hours without much dissipation. It seemed to “fountain” into my head in waves and pulses and my brain felt awash in something miraculous that is difficult to describe in a way that would accurately convey the beauty of what was happening. I can’t find the words, it seems, to sufficiently convey any deep meaning to what it was or really how my body was responding to all of this. In a sense though, I felt as though I was being purified and transformed, and that something deep down within the makeup of my body, on the most miniscule of levels had been activated, of which at that point I had little comprehension about. There were moments though, when I felt deeply concerned over what was happening. I fluctuated between periods of being really scared and feeling a miraculous sense of bliss. But, for some reason I knew that this must be related to what I was reading about and practicing during meditation; and I remembered that if this were the case, I should just go with it and not resist. Yet, on another level, I was in absolute disbelief that I had this clearly discernible energy now affecting my entire body. I asked myself what else it could be, if not a kundalini-like, spiritual activation of some sort. It felt purifying and wonderful and left me in a sense of awe over how helpless I truly was in the whole experience. It had taken over. I didn’t experience bright, white lights or halos over my head or glowingly, beautiful environments, there was no noise whatsoever after the initial sound from the dream (at least that I can remember), and I didn’t travel through some spiritual ether witnessing the origins to all of existence. But, I nonetheless attributed what I was experiencing to the same source of energy and intelligence that those before me referred to as a kundalini awakening.

The thought of a previously unknown and ostensibly uncontrollable force doing something to my body frightened me beyond belief, regardless of the fact that I thought I knew what it was. When those thoughts came to mind, I immediately tried to remove the negativity and at least accept it for what I thought it was. The whole time I was testing myself to see if I was in some sort of lucid dream or if this was reality. I remember pushing my daughter over towards the middle of the bed on several occasions, because she was too close to me. So, this helped to affirm to me that I was now awake. This first phase lasted for what seemed like at least an hour with little let up. But, it did start to dissipate somewhat and eventually I started to get tired enough to fall asleep again. But, as I started crossed the boundary though, between waking consciousness and sleep, I was immediately hit with another full force of energy flowing up through my entire body again, as if to communicate to me that I needed to stay awake and experience what was going on.

This same cycle continued over and over with me feeling this new energy pulsing upwards in my body and then slowing down, only to once again allow me to start falling back asleep, and experience the cycle all over again. This served to remind me that something important was happening that needed to be observed and learned from, and it wasn’t going to let me not do that – as if I actually needed to be reminded of anything. I’m not sure how long this went on for that first night, it seemed like it went for many hours – maybe even for most of the night. I somehow though, eventually fell asleep and stayed that way until morning. My guess is that I at least got a few hours of sleep. Why it stopped and let me do that, I don’t know. Maybe that’s just how the whole process works. If you are ready for the experience, it knows exactly how to apply itself to you in perfect balance. I quite honestly don’t know how else to explain it.

Needless to say, when I woke up the next morning, I most certainly felt different from all the previous mornings before that. I had a deepened sense of quiet and wonderment about what had happened, still asking myself whether or not it was all just a dream. I felt calm and peaceful as never before in my life, still trying to envision what kind of work was being done inside my body and mind. Was it still occurring? If so, how was it different now that it was daytime, and I was awake and the energy seemingly had gone away? Was it still flowing through me on a much less powerful scale, largely imperceptible to my senses? I had so many questions and no definitive answers. I remember laying in bed before getting up and looking at my wife who was standing in the doorway to the room, and she made a comment to the effect that I looked like I had a secret to tell or something. I didn’t know what to say at the time and just gave her an awkward grin because I was still just in a state of confusion – not knowing how to respond to any of it. Maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be. I then just got up out of bed like any other morning, at least with respect to going about my usual morning rituals of eating breakfast and taking a shower – albeit with a level of introspection unparalleled in my past. The whole time I was questioning to some degree my state of reality and sanity. This is impossible, I thought. There has to be some other explanation as to what’s happening to me. I must be really stressed out or anxious about something. I asked myself if something was coming up in life that may be starting to stress me out. What is causing my body to react in such an extreme way? But, I just couldn’t think of any rational reason to explain it.

I went to work in total silence and spent a good part of the day that way. I remember speaking very little to anyone, only when absolutely needed in order to get my work done. To no small degree, it was difficult for me to stay focused and motivated on my work, with all these thoughts running through my mind. I wondered continually, whether or not another eruption of energy was going to rise up through me while I was still at work. It scared the hell out of me. What would I do? Would others notice that something appeared wrong with me? How would I make it home, and how would I tell my wife, who I had not yet talked to about what was happening to me? I couldn’t even imagine how to begin explaining my experience to her, because I feared she would think I was going completely insane. I did make it through the day though, in relative normalcy – at least from an external perspective. And, when I got home, I was still my quiet, reflective self – even more so as my wife had noticed and mentioned to me. I wasn’t quite ready to say anything to her, as I was still unsure what was going on and just went about my evening as best I could. In some way, I thought this was just a strange, one-time event and I would go back to being normal again. Little did I realize at the time, that was never going to happen – I had been abruptly and permanently changed from what I was into someone else.

Even though the feelings of energy flowing into my head had been relieved throughout the day, I continued to feel a subtle sense of vibration and gentle movement in my head. When I focused on it, it seemed to show itself a little more as another reminder of what was now influencing my body. As the sun set and nighttime approached, I started wondering again if this same effect was going to come back as I slept. I had a sense of nervousness and anticipation of the changes that might occur. This is what I had been reading and meditating on for quite a while now, so I asked myself why I should be in a state of fear or anxiety over it? That night, as I sat with my son reading a book to him and he fell asleep, the anticipation started to grow. But, nothing had happened. I fell into a light sleep next to him in his bed with no apparent changes. I woke up a short while later, still relatively early in the evening, to go downstairs and turn everything off before going back to my own bed. The memories of the night before were still fresh in my mind and it obviously had an effect on my ability to fully relax and fall asleep. But, it did eventually happen. And, once again, I felt this strange energy rising from deep within me and start to well up throughout my body and into my head. It wasn’t as intense an experience as the night before – although still quite out-of-the-ordinary. But, it was the same repeating cycle, with the energy subsiding over time, me starting to fall asleep, and it waking me right back up again in full force. Again, all of this lasted for most of the night before I was finally able to fall asleep and stay that way. Based on this experience, I can only surmise that this seemingly infinite flow of energy and intelligence has the ability to maximize its potential in the unconscious state of mind found within sleep itself. Or, at least for me, it does this during the time when my mind and body is most relaxed and quiet.

My initial thoughts and expectations about this awakening, as I’ve read about it in a somewhat limited amount, were that bright, white lights would appear, objects would start to glow with beautiful luminescence, and that things would start to move and flow around me in perhaps some sort of psychedelic, drug induced, trip-like experience. None of this, exactly, has been a part of it so far. In the first few nights, what I experienced can best be described as an overwhelming sense of purification within my body, an entirely internalized and personal spiritual transformation of sorts, devoid of any visualizations outside of my own imagination as to what’s happening. All the accumulated stuff that had built up over the years, that had been sitting there and holding me back, and degrading my energy levels or potential, was being burned or melted away in one fell swoop. What felt like a massive river of energy, immersed itself throughout my body from head to toe. In particular, in my head, where the energy arose after streaming up through my spine and into the base of my skull, glistened and exploded into what felt like a fountain of pure bliss. This has redefined for me in such a significant way, what I previously thought an orgasm felt like. At times there appeared no end to it, over and over again it continued, making me think simultaneously how beautiful and amazing it all is – but also how completely and physically exhausting. But it did ultimately start to fade away, only to then begin a new cycle. Periodically, these sensations pulsed up and down through my body, down to my arms and legs, equivalent to the orgasmic feeling in my head – but now on a greater scale. I got the sense that as this force does its work, the entire makeup of my body down to the most minute level is being reprogrammed into something different. What that will ultimately end up as, has yet to be determined, if anything.

As I experience this and reflect upon what is happening to me, I start to question how it is that during the day, the energy seems to mostly go away, while at nighttime it comes back again. If it isn’t acting in the same capacity while I’m going about my daily work, why does it then want to keep me awake at night time to observe its action? Is it simply about being in a state of total relaxation in order to bring it about? If I were to start meditating right now during the day, and reached that point of relaxation and quiet, would it start up again? Should I be doing this? Or, do I need to maintain a balance between what is now happening to me and a period of recuperation that is obviously necessary for my body? Maybe one of the most important things to do is to not force the issue, and let it run its course without trying to meditate my way into it. That’s not to say I think meditation during the day should be avoided entirely. I think though, that I need to really listen to my intuition and what it’s telling me to do, and how to react as my body changes.

Again, as the third night of sleep approached, I had a sense of nervousness and anticipation. My only thoughts were whether or not it would come back, like it had before, and keep me up all night. If it did, would it be the same, different, or maybe even more intense than before? How was my body going to react to it? How much of this can I physically take? Even though the intensity of the feelings I had last night were somewhat lessened from the night before, I just didn’t know what the night was going to bring. I think my nervousness was similar in some way to a form of resistance to it, which is not how I wanted to feel out of fear it might cause some sort of problem. It seemed to hold off for a while though, but ultimately as I lay in bed becoming more and more relaxed, I felt the same feelings returning to my body. I was apprehensive about the upward movement of energy that had occurred initially, not really knowing if this was good or bad or something in between. At times it felt a little out of control. This didn’t occur though as it had the past few days. What I did feel seemed constrained mostly within the head and neck area. This is where the feelings were most intense. I could feel a surge of energy, although this time it was more subtle coming straight up my spine, and then it just exploded into my head in the same way as before. At times, it almost seemed as if the current flowing up had concentrated itself into a narrower stream deep within my spine, and that it only broke free once reaching an opening at the base of my skull and again forming into a fountain of pure energy. This seemed to make it a little gentler to take on my body. It was truly amazing and I took it all in without the least amount of resistance in any way. This too went about its business in ebbs and flows, but not necessarily consistent with my state of wakefulness or sleep as it did before. It seemed like this night was the most difficult for me to actually fall asleep in any way and that the feelings in my head persisted on and off regardless. This was accompanied by tingling sensations up and down my arms and in my fingers for the entire time. What was most bizarre though, were the gentle surges of energy which seemed to penetrate my jaw bone and teeth, stimulating the nerves to react in pain for just a few seconds before going away.

Throughout the next day at work is when I probably felt the most out of sorts and ill-feeling, with a constant headache, dizziness, and periods of nausea. All of this was coupled with the undeniable knowledge that something was still occurring within my body, which I knew was ultimately the cause of all this disruption in normalcy. Yet, I didn’t necessarily think it was problematic in any way, other than the fact that I just had to get through this discomfort and uneasiness until I started adapting to it. At least at that point, I thought I would adapt to it over time. I would have rather stayed home, except I had a lot of work to do, but ultimately left a little early as my level of discomfort got the best of me. I was still quite out-of-it when I got home and was more or less useless to my wife in helping with the kids during their “witching” hour after dinner. She was irreplaceable during that time, as I think I went up to bed around 6:30 or 7:00 o’clock for the night. This actually allowed her to spend some time with my son Owen who normally likes to have me read to him in bed every night.

Before actually falling asleep that night, of which it didn’t take much time for me to do; I spent a few minutes having an internal conversation about what had transpired over the past three nights, and questioning the reasons for how powerful and relentless the flow of energy actually was in my body. I distinctly remember reading about other people’s experiences with this and how they noted that it took months and even years to go through a process of understanding and adapting to this enhanced energy, before things calmed down from a physical and psychological standpoint. The thought of this frightened me, as I was already worn out physically from just a few days. In the back of my mind though, I felt that there would probably be a period of adjustment in the beginning that proved somewhat difficult, but then I would feel better soon after. At least, this is what I had hoped for. As I have always done in the past, I started to question the validity of what these other people were saying. Not that they weren’t being truthful, but that maybe there was some other understanding that hadn’t been realized. I wondered that if this release of energy was what I thought it was, and was nothing but pure intelligence and potentiality – knowing perfectly well what needed to be done within the body, why then would the process prove so harsh? Why wouldn’t it just know the perfect amount of energy to produce in order to maximize the effects – rather than inundate the body over and over again until it was exhausted of all life force and vitality? As I asked myself this, I answered my own question with the affirmative – that being the fact that no reason existed within my mind why such an evolved and intelligent force would not know how to control itself, as to support the health and wellness of the body it is supposed to be transforming. I actually believed this in my mind as I said it to myself, because it just didn’t make sense to me. Although, as I sit here writing this, none of it makes much sense to me. What I’m learning about this whole experience so far, is that I really need to be aware about what is happening and try to understand the forces working within me. In my mind, it seems to be the only way to quickly and fully adapt to it and integrate it into some semblance of a normal lifestyle, without it overwhelming over my life.

The next day proved better as I started to return to a more normal state – that of interacting with people at work and at home without feeling like I was only partially there. I was still tired, but overall I had a much higher level of energy than the previous three days. I was also still struggling with trying to understand why and how my body had changed so suddenly and coming to terms with realizing a new truth about the nature of our reality. Because, what I had studied and practiced through purely intellectual and spiritual curiosity had actually manifested itself to me in my physical body. How could this be so? It makes me wonder what other potentials exist within the human body that we are currently unaware of. To me then, this borders on something almost magical and opens up a doorway that it seems we can all walk through to experience infinite possibilities. My beliefs about what I considered to be real had just been permanently changed. Going into the next night was very similar to the previous one, in which little happened as it did the first three nights. Although, when I sit still in bed, I can feel a constant low-level vibration in my head and sense that energy is streaming into it almost imperceptibly on a regular basis. My only thought is that my individual perception that it has the ability to control itself to be gentler on my body – has actually occurred. So, it continues to flow non-stop at a more even and bearable level, so that my body can resume normal living.

The rest of the first week had more or less mimicked this, in that I continued to get some sort of normal sleep, as I had, without any intense expression of energy flowing through my body. My days continued to feel relatively normal, for the most part, except for the fact that my body was still somewhat fatigued, and my level of contemplation and introspection as to what was really going on within me had been elevated without abatement. This, I think, is due to the irrefutable fact that I had experienced a personal event that I could neither fully explain nor deny, and because I was now seemingly (and literally) vibrating at a higher level which required me to think about life in a vastly different way. I felt as though I had no other choice in the matter. Still, at this point, I hadn’t found the words to fully describe what was happening to me, and to do it in a way that wasn’t going to make my wife think I’ve gone completely insane. Because, I had reached a point where I could no longer deny the fact that fundamental changes had been occurring within me that had not gone away, and of which I’m sure will persist into the future. So my excuse that this was some sort of extended dream that would somehow go away, and that I would just resume normal life, no longer held any water. I now had no excuse for not talking with her about it. Even during my waking hours now, when I wonder whether or not I am still my old self, I get reminded through the myriad of strange feelings and sensations happening all over my body that things have changed. These include sensations of heat and tingling, various aches and pains, anxiety, a sense of shallow breathing, and light-headedness that makes me feel like I am both walking within this physical reality and another world – as if my body is vibrating at a level that brings me to the doorstep between physical and ethereal dimensions. It is in a way, a feeling of detachment from everything physical and an expanded awareness of consciousness beyond what we perceive everyday in this world. Either that, or I continue to try and convince myself that this has all been an extremely weird, lucid dream, and I am going to wake up one day soon as if nothing happened and go on with life as usual.

There is always an impetus in the back of my mind that tries to bring out the logical part of my personality, and is trying to figure out if I have some sort of unknown physical illness that is causing all of this. But, when I do, my intuition tells me that’s not the case. I’ve never heard of an illness that brings about feelings of joy and purification, regardless of the strange physical symptoms. Still, here I am, mired in my worldly conditioning of thought trying to apply some rational reasoning to something that seems so profoundly otherworldly. The relative speed with which the intensity of the feelings became subdued and controlled, along with the peculiarity of it showing itself fully during sleep, are still an enigma to me. My previous thoughts on the matter are all that I have, as they seem to make sense out of something that clearly doesn’t concern itself with making sense. This only adds to the questions I have about what is happening, and perhaps holding me back from fully embracing the truth about what it is. My sense of waking consciousness is now relatively even-keeled, with of course the subtle feeling of being on the outside – looking in. Or, in other words, as if who I really was – my consciousness awareness, was emanating from some other place, looking through my eyes and out to the world I live in. This is coupled with the knowing that I am still in complete control of my body and actions, able to interact on a normal basis, and yet simultaneously part of something else much larger and deeper and more connected with everything. Perhaps this is all just part of the initial expanding consciousness that everyone goes through as a result of this experience.

As the first week passes and I go into the next, I wonder what it will bring. Will my recent respite continue or will I once again succumb to the initial flow of energy and vibrations throughout my body that I had mostly felt during sleeping hours? After testing the waters a little bit and spending some time meditating before going to bed one night, I noticed a return of activity shortly after. It wasn’t nearly as intense or long as before, but it was certainly a noticeable change from the previous few days when I hadn’t meditated and nothing noticeable occurred. I don’t really know why. But, I’m starting to think that without the continued practice of meditation, you can’t fully experience the potential of this transformation. The now ever-present streaming flow into my head has caused me to think about and visualize where this is coming from, and how it is navigating its way up my spine. How is it interacting with the energy centers now, if at all? I tend to think about the third eye chakra, if not only because I’ve read a lot about it. And, for whatever reason, I now feel a warm sensation and tingling between the brow of my eyes, as if my muscles or nerves were twitching and contracting. This seemed to last for an hour or so and then went away, as I fell asleep for a short period of time. After that it didn’t come back, yet I continued to have trouble falling back to sleep again because of my thoughts about it actually returning.

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