Leading Up To It


In the months preceding the arousal of this dormant energy hidden within my body, I noticed what appeared to me, to be some sort of preparation of my mind and body for what was to come. About eight months out, I started to increase the frequency of my meditation to at least once every day, for about a half hour. This was in contrast to not really doing much prior to that, other than an occasional practice. This sudden change in habit seemed to shift overnight as I read more and more about spirituality and mysticism, and as I started to really embrace the idea of the inter-connectedness of all living things. In my mind, this conceptual understanding, lead me to spontaneously have the desire to devote time every day to meditation and trying to clear my mind of the clutter that accumulated through everyday living. I didn’t in any way force myself to do it, or have to put forth much effort. It just seemed as though all of the sudden, meditation was supposed to be a part of my life, and it came naturally to me to sit in total silence as a means of connecting to a deeper part of my being. As I continued to do this every night, it became easier and easier for me to get into a state of quiet where I could then begin to envision a connection between my body and this source of everything.

The practice of meditation wasn’t a completely foreign subject for me; I had been doing it off and on since I was about 16 years old. It initially started when I began practicing a form of Okinawan karate called Uechi Ryu that incorporated an element of meditation before each session. From that point, I expanded upon it in my own free time outside of the dojo, which included some general techniques I had read about in various books on eastern philosophy. Even though I made some effort to learn about how to meditate through the experiences of others, I never adhered to any strict regimen or way of doing things that felt unnatural to me. This ideology has followed me through to today, where I still tend to listen more to myself and what I think is effective when it comes to seeking inner peace and quiet.

With regard to my increase in time spent actually in meditation; I attributed this not only to my renewed interest in the subject, but to what I considered to be an otherwise unexplainable need to increase the frequency of it. It’s as if I woke up one day and it was just what I had to do. And, several weeks into it, when I thought back in my mind, I couldn’t help but question how it was I went from more or less not doing anything, to all of the sudden not being able to be without it everyday. What switch had been flipped inside my body or mind that made this happen? What connection had been established between my neurons or my subtle bodies? I imagined having reached a tipping point in my subconscious mind as I continued to learn more, that let me know that without it, I wasn’t going to achieve much in a spiritual sense.

While noticing that the more I actually sat in meditation and the easier it became for me to quiet my mind, I was able to get into a deeper state of silence than ever before. At times, I tended to lose my sense of the real world I was sitting in for something else – only to sense my mind wandering back and forth between the two as if balancing on the precipice between mundane human thoughts and whatever else was out there unseen. After several months of this increased practice and visualizing the nature of chakras in my mind, and trying to relate them to my life; I came to an understanding about what it was I was really doing. At least I think I did. Not really expecting any major breakthroughs, but simply trying to find deeper meaning in life, the thought came to me that while I sat there in darkness and solitude, I was simply doing the work that was necessary. It was during the quiet that answers to my unanswered questions were being revealed, albeit on a completely unknown level to my active mind. When I let my ego get the best of me and entertained the thought of waking up this dormant force within, I imagined it being manifested while sitting on the floor in meditation. But, as this thought occurred, I came to a personal conclusion that if anything were to happen, it would probably be spontaneously at some other time – either during my waking hours or at night; if only because I wasn’t forcing the issue and letting it just be. Even still, this was the furthest thing from my mind, because during this time I hadn’t even wrapped my head around the possibility anything like this would or could ever happen to me.

The learning process I experienced in the preceding eight months or so consisted of a lot of reading, and had the effect of both opening up my mind to new ways of thinking about the universe and with the nature of man, as well as providing information on subjects I had always wanted to know about. The books and stories I came across seemed to lead from one subject to another, in what I feel was a logical (as if logic has anything to do with it) sequence of information guiding me along an unknown path predestined to end up with the most personally transforming and surreal experience I could ever imagine. As I read and had more questions, the answers seemed to present themselves to me, either within the material I was reading or through some other related source. This then supported my personal belief that life tends to present you with everything you need in order to take the next step and grow. You just have to be aware of it. To me though, it was nothing short of miraculous how the subjects brought me along in perfect sequential order, ultimately to at least some understanding of the body’s energy centers (chakras) which help set the framework for knowing how my life needed to be balanced.

At the same time all of this was happening, I noticed something peculiar about my body. I had always tried to incorporate exercise into my lifestyle, going back to my early teenage years. To this day, I still feel it’s crucial to have some form of physical activity – the benefits to me are obvious, as I could list off ten reasons why I continue to do it in less than a few minutes. But, that is not the point. What I noticed, and perhaps few else would, was that my body was changing in a way. Not dramatically, but nonetheless noticeable to me as I tried to keep track of how my new daily routine was impacting my physical body. During this time, I had actually been less consistent with my exercises, yet my body seemed to be in better physical condition. Parts of my body where I would normally have to pay close attention to in order to keep them conditioned were doing so by themselves. In other words, I was working out with a fraction of the intensity and duration as before, and seeing better results in terms of reduced body fat and an overall leaner and more muscular physique. Not bigger, just more fit. What does this have to do with living a more meaningful life? Well, there is no denying the fact that we need to pay attention to the physical part of our bodies. It is but one aspect of several though – such as emotional, spiritual, and intellectual, that builds the foundation for an overall healthy being.

My perception now of the months leading up to this experience is of a period that brought me into an extended and deepened state of internal reflection, catalyzed by some of the things I’ve previously discussed. My usual routine tendencies towards day-to-day activities and interests were effectively put on hold, in order to allow some unseen and imperceptible intelligence to mold me into something else, a little better prepared to understand and deal with what was to come. It was not of my willpower alone that made this happen, but something else that only now I’m able to consider, as assuming some level of direction over my body and mind in ways I couldn’t possibly do prior to that. This makes no sense, I know. And, I’m not suggesting this is anything external from my body – as in another entity or god. I just can’t otherwise explain the focus and depth to which my mind went during those times, which in a myriad of different ways has remained as a part of my being. If I hadn’t learned and grown the way I did, I surely would have misdiagnosed myself as crazy or sick with some sort of ailment, and possibly went to see a doctor for things he or she was in no way prepared to deal with.


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