How Did This All Come About?

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The sense of confusion and disbelief I still have over what has been happening to my body continues, with me asking myself every type of question imaginable as to how and why this is actually possible. Why am I doing this though? I’ve been at least somewhat consistent with practicing meditation over the years and have read books on everything from meditation to martial arts to conscious evolution – topics that are related in one way or another to the exploration of our human potential. Had I done this purely out of intellectual curiosity or because I really had some inner belief that human beings had the potential for extra-normal abilities, and that they just might be real? That, life as we know it, isn’t as it seems. It reminds me of the old adage: “Be careful what you wish for, it just might come true”. This certainly seems to be the case with me. Because, I can’t explain any of it, except for the outside possibility that I am either going insane or that these are physical manifestations from some sort of cosmic or solar activity of which I’m not entirely aware of. Could there be a relationship to this sort of thing? I don’t know, maybe. It sure makes everything that is happening that much more intriguing and introduces the distinct possibility that everything we know of on this planet and beyond, is connected through a subtle field of energy and intelligence, that is not necessarily a result of happenstance. My apparent arousal of this evolutionary energy suggests to me that all human beings have this innately within them, and that through a more complete understanding of our self, we can bring this forth. And, if this is the case, whereby we can initiate an evolutionary change within our body, mind, and spirit in this way; it absolutely cannot be said that we are simply a product of chance adaptation over time – as taught to us by scholars throughout the world. And that, yes, there is in fact some sort of intelligent design that permeates all living things and we are all progressing down the same path towards a higher consciousness. It just may not necessarily be the same design that religions of the world tell us it is.

Everything that has occurred is causing me to reflect on my life and wonder about what I went through and learned in my past experiences that allowed me to reach this point. When I think about the esoteric nature of kundalini energy, or as it’s referred to in other cultures and religions as chi, holy spirit, or n/um; it makes me think of something that only the most dedicated and spiritual of us could ever attain. I envision holy men high atop a mountain monastery meditating most of the day, or religious adepts who spend all their time giving to others and praying to a god. I’ve never thought of these terms as being synonymous with what everyday people could achieve within a lifetime. But, why wouldn’t I? That would suggest that some people are more superior to others in terms of spiritual potential. And, perhaps this is just my misconception or ignorance about the whole process. At the same time, it never made sense to me to think that in order to take that next evolutionary step in life, you have to give up everything and meditate all day long. If that were the case, nothing would ever get accomplished in the world. So, I suppose in that sense, there has always been something inside me that believed everyone had the potential to consciously evolve, while simultaneously living a normal life, and that there was no one strict way of doing it.

The question to me was always just – how to do it? In my life I’ve always done things my own way, by having to actually learn lessons myself, instead of being told what I should do. This, I think, is a key to it all. I actually remember asking myself on many occasions as I grew up, “Why do I always have to learn things the hard way?” It meant that I had to personally experience life, good and bad, in order to really digest it and make it a part of me, to learn my lessons so to speak. I suppose I can thank my parents to some degree, for allowing me the freedom to go about and make my own decisions on things. This opportunity for self-learning in order to better understand ourselves and how we interact with others is one, of a number of different areas in life that we need to embrace, in order to achieve a well-balanced mind, body, and spirit. Everything is connected, as we will see. Our thought process affects our physical body, which in turn affects our perceptions of ourselves, which affects how we interact with others in the world, which is then related to psychological and spiritual growth; and it just goes back-and-forth and round-and-round in every imaginable direction. There is nothing in isolation from anything else, except for the illusions we create within our own minds. In the end, it is this oneness, this understanding of the inter-connectedness in life that allows us to perceive a greater reality of consciousness and opens the door to higher evolution.

My experiences leading up to this awakening go back beyond the last year. Although in retrospect, I can see a series of events and realizations in that year alone that convince me that I was in some sort of final grounding for what was to come. This includes physical, psychological, intellectual, and spiritual growth and changes. I know this may sound generic in a sense, but with everything that I was going through, that I was learning about, it had some impact on my personality in all these different areas. As a result of everything that has happened, I believe that life has a way of providing exactly what you need on a daily basis, in order to continue your evolution towards becoming a more enlightened human being. A key though is to be aware that things actually do happen for a reason, that synchronicities are real, and that you need to make a conscious effort to learn from all your experiences in order to take lessons from them. This suggests to me that nature, or our environment, is part of the infinite intelligence of the universe and knows exactly what is needed in life at all times. In this way, we therefore have to respect and live in harmony with nature. There have been far too many things leading up to this that one might attribute to mere coincidence, that led me from one thing to the next and to the next – all in what appears to be an intelligent and organized plan of action. I can see this in hindsight and can literally map out how my thought process and spiritual knowledge had transformed over the final months. It absolutely amazes me when I think about it! And, I don’t necessarily attribute this to me having a plan of action in place, with an intention to achieve some sort of spiritual awakening. But, rather that I was spontaneously provided information at just the right time, that directed my efforts in just the right way, to then realize this outcome.

When I suggest the idea that life provides everything you need in order to continue your evolution, I imagine this might seem strange to many who aren’t used to thinking in this way. In some sense then, this statement makes it seem like we don’t have complete control over our own destinies, and that there is some intelligent force beyond our grasp that has some say in how our lives end up. I obviously can’t confirm or prove any of this. But, I’m saying that I believe without a doubt, that there is an intelligent force, a design, that is relentlessly guiding everyone and everything to a higher state of being. But, as conscious beings ourselves, we have to learn our lessons in the physical world, in our own way, in order to take that next step along the path. It is this very idea of “in our own way” that allows each one of us to individualize our own evolution and to be able to effect change regardless of who we are physically or intellectually or spiritually.

As I mentioned before, going into the second week, I did have several more experiences at night when the energy had manifested in a noticeable way. But, because of its apparent transformation during the first week, it happened in a more controlled manner and with primarily a more pronounced feeling in my head. This occurred twice that week, for short periods, at times when I had gone to bed after either meditating or having already been in a deeper, contemplative-type mood. I again started to question what it was that triggered this effect and whether or not it was a direct result of my state of mind. During the daylight hours I continued to feel out of sorts, mostly with pressure in my head, strange aches and pains throughout my body, exhaustion, and a sense of being outside my physical body much of the time. My lack of sleep still continued in part due to my existing sleeping arrangements, and because of what I perceived to be the toll this force was taking on my body through the persistent, subtle flow of energy I was experiencing. It seemed that at any time, I could bring myself into a meditative state and noticeably feel the current of energy flowing up and around in my brain. During those times when I thought it was going away, I would test myself by doing this, to see if I still felt the same way. What became peculiar to me, was that when I really did start to think it was going away, oftentimes it would spontaneously become more pronounced, as to remind me that it doesn’t just go away.

It was sometimes difficult trying to work while feeling like I was living outside of my body. The look in my eyes must have told others that something wasn’t quite right, because I felt as though I was staring through people in a daze when talking with them. Or, as I perceived on several occasions, my gaze into another person’s eyes seemed to be so still and unyielding, that it seemed as though I was trying to peer into their soul during conversation. I often felt the need to look away in another direction, as to not make the person feel too uncomfortable with me being so intent on maintaining a visual connection. And yet, I was so intrigued with this aspect of it all, and that my soul seemed to be so relaxed and in a constant state of internal reflection and peace, and that my visual senses reflected such an immense deepening on the inside that I couldn’t quite explain. For whatever reason, my verbal abilities had been affected in such a way that I had some difficulty speaking and verbalizing ideas as quickly and easily as before. I was slower in my speech like you might notice when either completely exhausted or on some sort of prescription drug that makes you artificially drowsy. This still seems to be affecting me now, several years later – at least on a periodic basis and at random times.

The First Week

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It seemed like just an ordinary Sunday night on May 7, 2012, when the kids all went to bed relatively early, and I had a chance to go off to the back room of my house and meditate for a short period of time, which I hadn’t had a chance to do for several days. For whatever reason, it only lasted about fifteen minutes or so, but it did seem long enough to at least settle down my mind from the day’s events and for me to realize some sense of inner quiet. In retrospect, there was nothing different about this time compared to any other time. Although, usually I try to meditate for longer periods, since it takes me at least this long to just start to remove the extraneous thoughts from my mind. Afterward though, I went off to bed with my wife who was still awake reading a book by a small light, with the thought that maybe I would lay down next to her and do a little more meditation. Because at that point, I also started to practice doing my meditation while lying on my back in bed. This didn’t exactly work out, as my wife had conversation on her mind and wanted to talk about a few things first, which then led us both to falling asleep. Unbeknownst to me, and on a subtle level, something was seemingly already occurring within my body that would lead to an inexplicable experience that night – one that would fundamentally and permanently alter my view on the true nature of the human body. An experience, that if I hadn’t any previous knowledge or information as to what might be occurring, would surely have frightened me more than it did and cause me to think supernatural forces were taking over or that I was being possessed in some way by some other form of entity.

Before I get into what happened that night, I want to preface it with something I think is in some way related – something that happened to me unexpectedly as I was returning home from work a few weeks earlier. This event or rather experience was short-lived compared to what ultimately began to happen to me that night in May, and consisted of a a sudden and intense surge of what felt like energy or vibration rippling up from deep within the core of my body and moving in an upward direction towards my neck and head. My initial thought was that it felt like a continuously flowing stream of water, like how a hose might feel if you stuck it in a pool of water and pressed it up against your body while you were in it. This happened to me for about a minute or two on my drive home from work one night, as I sat there quietly looking out the window and going down the road, not necessarily thinking about anything deep or philosophical. It was one of those times when the radio was off and I was more or less on auto-pilot going down the road, just wanting to free myself from work and get as far away from that place as possible. Needless to say, what happened was a little disconcerting. It seemingly came completely out of nowhere, which sort of makes sense to me in some strange way because it is only when we are empty of thoughts or desires and not trying to force something, that what we truly seek spontaneously shows itself to us. In this case, if you want to think of it as an initial onset of kundalini, a trickling release; then perhaps because I was in a state of silence and nothingness, or at least approaching it, that it began to show itself.

At first though, I thought I was having some sort of anxiety attack that was manifesting itself into what might be considered as “butterflies” in the chest, or maybe something like an esophageal spasm. When I was younger, I used to experience these on occasion whenever I got nervous about certain things. But, as I sat and tried to figure out what was happening to me, I realized that this didn’t feel the same, not at all. My breathing was relatively normal which hadn’t been the case in the past when the spasms occurred, due mostly to being overly stressed. It was also coming from deeper within my body in an unyielding way, somewhat transient in a sense that it only last a minute or so, but not inconsistent in terms of the movement being steady. For some reason, it also didn’t seem to make my heart race faster than usual, which you might expect to happen. I also haven’t experienced that sort of thing in quite a long time. What was it then? Was I really stressed out about something on a subconscious level? I tried to keep my mind calm and control myself as much as I could for that minute or so while I was driving down the highway. It seemed like a long time – maybe longer than the few minutes I thought it was. But then, as suddenly as it appeared, it just disappeared. Because at that point, I had recently spent so much time reading and practicing meditation, one of the other possibilities that went through my mind was that it was related to the awakening of a kundalini-like energy. However, in light of the fact I only had a basic understanding of this and of the body’s chakras, and that I only recently started digging deeply into this type of spirituality, I couldn’t completely convince myself that this was in fact the case. I assumed in some way that this was a necessary prerequisite in order to have this experience. Never mind the fact that I was driving down the road while it happened. Some people spend their whole lives studying chakras and practicing yoga and meditation, all with the goal of awakening this mysterious force within the human body. How can I even remotely expect to have this kind of experience so soon? In fact, at the time I’m not even sure I believed this event was anything significant – I went back and forth within myself, second-guessing whether or not this was anything real, in spite of the fact that something strange had obviously happened to me. But, because it was too unbelievable and too peculiar, I continued to try and write it off as something more rational.

Like everyone else growing up in the United States, I have been exposed to a media-saturated and materialistic society and way of living as long as I can remember, and it absolutely isn’t conducive to awakening anything other than oneself to get to work each day and continue to participate in the rat race. In spite of this, I still found myself trying to resist conformity to the status quo and questioning reality to some extent, as a natural manifestation of my inherent personality – even though I didn’t quite understand why as a child. When I think about this strange event and what it might be in relation to kundalini, I ask myself if it’s necessary to live in total silence and isolation for years to achieve this. Is it possible for someone from the western world to see through the continuous noise and distraction for any significant period of time, in order to discover the true nature of reality, or at least start to approach it in some way? Maybe, but am I that someone? These were some of the thoughts and questions that came to mind as I wrestled to come to terms with this new peculiarity in my life.

When these questions did present themselves to me, I tried to think about the process of kundalini and how the experience is supposed to be different for each person, based on one’s individual life and needs. This is supposedly the nature of it all, and a next step in conscious evolution, as I’ve been reading it by people who claim to have some mystical experience in the area. Sometimes it occurs spontaneously and all-at-once, shocking the system to some degree, with a period of time afterward when the person struggles to learn and understand the process. In this case, I imagine that it would be terribly confusing to try and figure out what is happening to your body without having any background information on it or help from others in the know. Other times, it supposedly progresses slowly throughout life. Here, I envision that people are either born with the process actively working within them, or that something subtle is initiated from an early age, and things slowly and relentlessly evolve over time. The question then would be, why are some people born with it and others not? Does this mean that we are reincarnated from past lives over and over again until we reach a certain point in understanding and then it’s released? Do we somehow subconsciously know it’s already active in our bodies, which is the real reason why we feel different from others? And, if so, maybe we just don’t question it so much because it all feels normal to us. We just don’t know any other way. What then does it mean to be normal? Thinking back on my life, I can always remember that I felt somewhat different from everyone else and that I never completely fit in with others. I was generally quieter and more introspective, and I always looked for deeper meanings to things – never really satisfied with common explanations given to me about life. It’s not that I didn’t have fun and socialize to some extent, but it’s that I had another side to my personality, a different way of viewing things, that always reared it’s head and forced me think more philosophically. I often wondered if other people were like me in this way.

Since I was a child, I had been exposed to people and had experiences that really catalyzed a different perspective on things – one that sought the truth and took the path less traveled. One that, again, was more metaphysically-oriented in nature. Was this philosophical nature a symptom, causing me to intuit something at a young age that was a precursor to what I’m now experiencing? Have I been doing the mental work throughout my life that needed to be done in order to reach this point? Strangely, I also always had an underlying sense that I needed to balance what I did in life, in all aspects, and in an almost compulsive way – at least internally. Maybe I’m going off on a tangent, but I think it’s to dig deeper into understanding what is required of human beings, in terms of mental aptitude and understanding, so that we might consciously seek out this type of evolutionary change or at least better understand how it is initiated.

Getting back to my experience that night, I remember waking up suddenly after dreaming that I got hit in the head by some sort of object. As with many dreams in my past, I often times don’t remember them when I wake up. I don’t think the details of it are all that important here though, but just that it ended in what felt like my physical death, and one that instantly caused me to wake up from my sleeping state. I heard an extremely loud cracking sound at the same time, which I naturally associated with being hit. When this happened, I felt a cool, tingly sensation spreading across the top of my head. Given the fact that in my dream I was hit in the head, my first thought was that maybe my skull had been fractured, or that I had been shot by a gun, and that this sensation was actually blood pouring out of it. The continuity with which I felt this sensation between sleep and wakefulness was uninterrupted though, and really made me question the truth about which state I was actually in. How can I have the same exact feeling while I was asleep and then after waking up? Was I still dreaming in my sleep or now awake, or was it the lingering after-effect when you start to wake up, but still have that semi-conscious, in-between feeling? To make matters even more bewildering, I felt the same energy and vibration that I had experienced several weeks before while I was driving home from work. Now though, it was streaming non-stop and in full force up my spine and pouring into my head, then back down again throughout my body in a tantalizingly intense, sexually-orgasmic sensation. I felt like I had absolutely no control over what was happening to me, and I’m not sure I wanted to try and control it. It was simultaneously both fear inducing and awe inspiring because of the intense nature of the vibration, but also because on some level I felt overcome by something that was now in control of my physical body, which went on continuously and unabated for hours it seemed.

I questioned myself again as to what was happening to my body – was I really awake or still dreaming? I rose out of bed trying to feel my arms and hands. I waved them around and even sat up and contemplated getting out of bed to take a walk downstairs. I looked at my wife and daughter laying next to me and could clearly hear them breathing. All of this I did to try and determine what state I was in, and nothing about it told me that I was still asleep. I remember my daughter moving around, as she had done throughout the night, taking up our bed space. I actually verified this account with my wife in the morning. This feeling of energy flowing up my spine, into my head, and throughout my body went on and on for hours without much dissipation. It seemed to “fountain” into my head in waves and pulses and my brain felt awash in something miraculous that is difficult to describe in a way that would accurately convey the beauty of what was happening. I can’t find the words, it seems, to sufficiently convey any deep meaning to what it was or really how my body was responding to all of this. In a sense though, I felt as though I was being purified and transformed, and that something deep down within the makeup of my body, on the most miniscule of levels had been activated, of which at that point I had little comprehension about. There were moments though, when I felt deeply concerned over what was happening. I fluctuated between periods of being really scared and feeling a miraculous sense of bliss. But, for some reason I knew that this must be related to what I was reading about and practicing during meditation; and I remembered that if this were the case, I should just go with it and not resist. Yet, on another level, I was in absolute disbelief that I had this clearly discernible energy now affecting my entire body. I asked myself what else it could be, if not a kundalini-like, spiritual activation of some sort. It felt purifying and wonderful and left me in a sense of awe over how helpless I truly was in the whole experience. It had taken over. I didn’t experience bright, white lights or halos over my head or glowingly, beautiful environments, there was no noise whatsoever after the initial sound from the dream (at least that I can remember), and I didn’t travel through some spiritual ether witnessing the origins to all of existence. But, I nonetheless attributed what I was experiencing to the same source of energy and intelligence that those before me referred to as a kundalini awakening.

The thought of a previously unknown and ostensibly uncontrollable force doing something to my body frightened me beyond belief, regardless of the fact that I thought I knew what it was. When those thoughts came to mind, I immediately tried to remove the negativity and at least accept it for what I thought it was. The whole time I was testing myself to see if I was in some sort of lucid dream or if this was reality. I remember pushing my daughter over towards the middle of the bed on several occasions, because she was too close to me. So, this helped to affirm to me that I was now awake. This first phase lasted for what seemed like at least an hour with little let up. But, it did start to dissipate somewhat and eventually I started to get tired enough to fall asleep again. But, as I started crossed the boundary though, between waking consciousness and sleep, I was immediately hit with another full force of energy flowing up through my entire body again, as if to communicate to me that I needed to stay awake and experience what was going on.

This same cycle continued over and over with me feeling this new energy pulsing upwards in my body and then slowing down, only to once again allow me to start falling back asleep, and experience the cycle all over again. This served to remind me that something important was happening that needed to be observed and learned from, and it wasn’t going to let me not do that – as if I actually needed to be reminded of anything. I’m not sure how long this went on for that first night, it seemed like it went for many hours – maybe even for most of the night. I somehow though, eventually fell asleep and stayed that way until morning. My guess is that I at least got a few hours of sleep. Why it stopped and let me do that, I don’t know. Maybe that’s just how the whole process works. If you are ready for the experience, it knows exactly how to apply itself to you in perfect balance. I quite honestly don’t know how else to explain it.

Needless to say, when I woke up the next morning, I most certainly felt different from all the previous mornings before that. I had a deepened sense of quiet and wonderment about what had happened, still asking myself whether or not it was all just a dream. I felt calm and peaceful as never before in my life, still trying to envision what kind of work was being done inside my body and mind. Was it still occurring? If so, how was it different now that it was daytime, and I was awake and the energy seemingly had gone away? Was it still flowing through me on a much less powerful scale, largely imperceptible to my senses? I had so many questions and no definitive answers. I remember laying in bed before getting up and looking at my wife who was standing in the doorway to the room, and she made a comment to the effect that I looked like I had a secret to tell or something. I didn’t know what to say at the time and just gave her an awkward grin because I was still just in a state of confusion – not knowing how to respond to any of it. Maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be. I then just got up out of bed like any other morning, at least with respect to going about my usual morning rituals of eating breakfast and taking a shower – albeit with a level of introspection unparalleled in my past. The whole time I was questioning to some degree my state of reality and sanity. This is impossible, I thought. There has to be some other explanation as to what’s happening to me. I must be really stressed out or anxious about something. I asked myself if something was coming up in life that may be starting to stress me out. What is causing my body to react in such an extreme way? But, I just couldn’t think of any rational reason to explain it.

I went to work in total silence and spent a good part of the day that way. I remember speaking very little to anyone, only when absolutely needed in order to get my work done. To no small degree, it was difficult for me to stay focused and motivated on my work, with all these thoughts running through my mind. I wondered continually, whether or not another eruption of energy was going to rise up through me while I was still at work. It scared the hell out of me. What would I do? Would others notice that something appeared wrong with me? How would I make it home, and how would I tell my wife, who I had not yet talked to about what was happening to me? I couldn’t even imagine how to begin explaining my experience to her, because I feared she would think I was going completely insane. I did make it through the day though, in relative normalcy – at least from an external perspective. And, when I got home, I was still my quiet, reflective self – even more so as my wife had noticed and mentioned to me. I wasn’t quite ready to say anything to her, as I was still unsure what was going on and just went about my evening as best I could. In some way, I thought this was just a strange, one-time event and I would go back to being normal again. Little did I realize at the time, that was never going to happen – I had been abruptly and permanently changed from what I was into someone else.

Even though the feelings of energy flowing into my head had been relieved throughout the day, I continued to feel a subtle sense of vibration and gentle movement in my head. When I focused on it, it seemed to show itself a little more as another reminder of what was now influencing my body. As the sun set and nighttime approached, I started wondering again if this same effect was going to come back as I slept. I had a sense of nervousness and anticipation of the changes that might occur. This is what I had been reading and meditating on for quite a while now, so I asked myself why I should be in a state of fear or anxiety over it? That night, as I sat with my son reading a book to him and he fell asleep, the anticipation started to grow. But, nothing had happened. I fell into a light sleep next to him in his bed with no apparent changes. I woke up a short while later, still relatively early in the evening, to go downstairs and turn everything off before going back to my own bed. The memories of the night before were still fresh in my mind and it obviously had an effect on my ability to fully relax and fall asleep. But, it did eventually happen. And, once again, I felt this strange energy rising from deep within me and start to well up throughout my body and into my head. It wasn’t as intense an experience as the night before – although still quite out-of-the-ordinary. But, it was the same repeating cycle, with the energy subsiding over time, me starting to fall asleep, and it waking me right back up again in full force. Again, all of this lasted for most of the night before I was finally able to fall asleep and stay that way. Based on this experience, I can only surmise that this seemingly infinite flow of energy and intelligence has the ability to maximize its potential in the unconscious state of mind found within sleep itself. Or, at least for me, it does this during the time when my mind and body is most relaxed and quiet.

My initial thoughts and expectations about this awakening, as I’ve read about it in a somewhat limited amount, were that bright, white lights would appear, objects would start to glow with beautiful luminescence, and that things would start to move and flow around me in perhaps some sort of psychedelic, drug induced, trip-like experience. None of this, exactly, has been a part of it so far. In the first few nights, what I experienced can best be described as an overwhelming sense of purification within my body, an entirely internalized and personal spiritual transformation of sorts, devoid of any visualizations outside of my own imagination as to what’s happening. All the accumulated stuff that had built up over the years, that had been sitting there and holding me back, and degrading my energy levels or potential, was being burned or melted away in one fell swoop. What felt like a massive river of energy, immersed itself throughout my body from head to toe. In particular, in my head, where the energy arose after streaming up through my spine and into the base of my skull, glistened and exploded into what felt like a fountain of pure bliss. This has redefined for me in such a significant way, what I previously thought an orgasm felt like. At times there appeared no end to it, over and over again it continued, making me think simultaneously how beautiful and amazing it all is – but also how completely and physically exhausting. But it did ultimately start to fade away, only to then begin a new cycle. Periodically, these sensations pulsed up and down through my body, down to my arms and legs, equivalent to the orgasmic feeling in my head – but now on a greater scale. I got the sense that as this force does its work, the entire makeup of my body down to the most minute level is being reprogrammed into something different. What that will ultimately end up as, has yet to be determined, if anything.

As I experience this and reflect upon what is happening to me, I start to question how it is that during the day, the energy seems to mostly go away, while at nighttime it comes back again. If it isn’t acting in the same capacity while I’m going about my daily work, why does it then want to keep me awake at night time to observe its action? Is it simply about being in a state of total relaxation in order to bring it about? If I were to start meditating right now during the day, and reached that point of relaxation and quiet, would it start up again? Should I be doing this? Or, do I need to maintain a balance between what is now happening to me and a period of recuperation that is obviously necessary for my body? Maybe one of the most important things to do is to not force the issue, and let it run its course without trying to meditate my way into it. That’s not to say I think meditation during the day should be avoided entirely. I think though, that I need to really listen to my intuition and what it’s telling me to do, and how to react as my body changes.

Again, as the third night of sleep approached, I had a sense of nervousness and anticipation. My only thoughts were whether or not it would come back, like it had before, and keep me up all night. If it did, would it be the same, different, or maybe even more intense than before? How was my body going to react to it? How much of this can I physically take? Even though the intensity of the feelings I had last night were somewhat lessened from the night before, I just didn’t know what the night was going to bring. I think my nervousness was similar in some way to a form of resistance to it, which is not how I wanted to feel out of fear it might cause some sort of problem. It seemed to hold off for a while though, but ultimately as I lay in bed becoming more and more relaxed, I felt the same feelings returning to my body. I was apprehensive about the upward movement of energy that had occurred initially, not really knowing if this was good or bad or something in between. At times it felt a little out of control. This didn’t occur though as it had the past few days. What I did feel seemed constrained mostly within the head and neck area. This is where the feelings were most intense. I could feel a surge of energy, although this time it was more subtle coming straight up my spine, and then it just exploded into my head in the same way as before. At times, it almost seemed as if the current flowing up had concentrated itself into a narrower stream deep within my spine, and that it only broke free once reaching an opening at the base of my skull and again forming into a fountain of pure energy. This seemed to make it a little gentler to take on my body. It was truly amazing and I took it all in without the least amount of resistance in any way. This too went about its business in ebbs and flows, but not necessarily consistent with my state of wakefulness or sleep as it did before. It seemed like this night was the most difficult for me to actually fall asleep in any way and that the feelings in my head persisted on and off regardless. This was accompanied by tingling sensations up and down my arms and in my fingers for the entire time. What was most bizarre though, were the gentle surges of energy which seemed to penetrate my jaw bone and teeth, stimulating the nerves to react in pain for just a few seconds before going away.

Throughout the next day at work is when I probably felt the most out of sorts and ill-feeling, with a constant headache, dizziness, and periods of nausea. All of this was coupled with the undeniable knowledge that something was still occurring within my body, which I knew was ultimately the cause of all this disruption in normalcy. Yet, I didn’t necessarily think it was problematic in any way, other than the fact that I just had to get through this discomfort and uneasiness until I started adapting to it. At least at that point, I thought I would adapt to it over time. I would have rather stayed home, except I had a lot of work to do, but ultimately left a little early as my level of discomfort got the best of me. I was still quite out-of-it when I got home and was more or less useless to my wife in helping with the kids during their “witching” hour after dinner. She was irreplaceable during that time, as I think I went up to bed around 6:30 or 7:00 o’clock for the night. This actually allowed her to spend some time with my son Owen who normally likes to have me read to him in bed every night.

Before actually falling asleep that night, of which it didn’t take much time for me to do; I spent a few minutes having an internal conversation about what had transpired over the past three nights, and questioning the reasons for how powerful and relentless the flow of energy actually was in my body. I distinctly remember reading about other people’s experiences with this and how they noted that it took months and even years to go through a process of understanding and adapting to this enhanced energy, before things calmed down from a physical and psychological standpoint. The thought of this frightened me, as I was already worn out physically from just a few days. In the back of my mind though, I felt that there would probably be a period of adjustment in the beginning that proved somewhat difficult, but then I would feel better soon after. At least, this is what I had hoped for. As I have always done in the past, I started to question the validity of what these other people were saying. Not that they weren’t being truthful, but that maybe there was some other understanding that hadn’t been realized. I wondered that if this release of energy was what I thought it was, and was nothing but pure intelligence and potentiality – knowing perfectly well what needed to be done within the body, why then would the process prove so harsh? Why wouldn’t it just know the perfect amount of energy to produce in order to maximize the effects – rather than inundate the body over and over again until it was exhausted of all life force and vitality? As I asked myself this, I answered my own question with the affirmative – that being the fact that no reason existed within my mind why such an evolved and intelligent force would not know how to control itself, as to support the health and wellness of the body it is supposed to be transforming. I actually believed this in my mind as I said it to myself, because it just didn’t make sense to me. Although, as I sit here writing this, none of it makes much sense to me. What I’m learning about this whole experience so far, is that I really need to be aware about what is happening and try to understand the forces working within me. In my mind, it seems to be the only way to quickly and fully adapt to it and integrate it into some semblance of a normal lifestyle, without it overwhelming over my life.

The next day proved better as I started to return to a more normal state – that of interacting with people at work and at home without feeling like I was only partially there. I was still tired, but overall I had a much higher level of energy than the previous three days. I was also still struggling with trying to understand why and how my body had changed so suddenly and coming to terms with realizing a new truth about the nature of our reality. Because, what I had studied and practiced through purely intellectual and spiritual curiosity had actually manifested itself to me in my physical body. How could this be so? It makes me wonder what other potentials exist within the human body that we are currently unaware of. To me then, this borders on something almost magical and opens up a doorway that it seems we can all walk through to experience infinite possibilities. My beliefs about what I considered to be real had just been permanently changed. Going into the next night was very similar to the previous one, in which little happened as it did the first three nights. Although, when I sit still in bed, I can feel a constant low-level vibration in my head and sense that energy is streaming into it almost imperceptibly on a regular basis. My only thought is that my individual perception that it has the ability to control itself to be gentler on my body – has actually occurred. So, it continues to flow non-stop at a more even and bearable level, so that my body can resume normal living.

The rest of the first week had more or less mimicked this, in that I continued to get some sort of normal sleep, as I had, without any intense expression of energy flowing through my body. My days continued to feel relatively normal, for the most part, except for the fact that my body was still somewhat fatigued, and my level of contemplation and introspection as to what was really going on within me had been elevated without abatement. This, I think, is due to the irrefutable fact that I had experienced a personal event that I could neither fully explain nor deny, and because I was now seemingly (and literally) vibrating at a higher level which required me to think about life in a vastly different way. I felt as though I had no other choice in the matter. Still, at this point, I hadn’t found the words to fully describe what was happening to me, and to do it in a way that wasn’t going to make my wife think I’ve gone completely insane. Because, I had reached a point where I could no longer deny the fact that fundamental changes had been occurring within me that had not gone away, and of which I’m sure will persist into the future. So my excuse that this was some sort of extended dream that would somehow go away, and that I would just resume normal life, no longer held any water. I now had no excuse for not talking with her about it. Even during my waking hours now, when I wonder whether or not I am still my old self, I get reminded through the myriad of strange feelings and sensations happening all over my body that things have changed. These include sensations of heat and tingling, various aches and pains, anxiety, a sense of shallow breathing, and light-headedness that makes me feel like I am both walking within this physical reality and another world – as if my body is vibrating at a level that brings me to the doorstep between physical and ethereal dimensions. It is in a way, a feeling of detachment from everything physical and an expanded awareness of consciousness beyond what we perceive everyday in this world. Either that, or I continue to try and convince myself that this has all been an extremely weird, lucid dream, and I am going to wake up one day soon as if nothing happened and go on with life as usual.

There is always an impetus in the back of my mind that tries to bring out the logical part of my personality, and is trying to figure out if I have some sort of unknown physical illness that is causing all of this. But, when I do, my intuition tells me that’s not the case. I’ve never heard of an illness that brings about feelings of joy and purification, regardless of the strange physical symptoms. Still, here I am, mired in my worldly conditioning of thought trying to apply some rational reasoning to something that seems so profoundly otherworldly. The relative speed with which the intensity of the feelings became subdued and controlled, along with the peculiarity of it showing itself fully during sleep, are still an enigma to me. My previous thoughts on the matter are all that I have, as they seem to make sense out of something that clearly doesn’t concern itself with making sense. This only adds to the questions I have about what is happening, and perhaps holding me back from fully embracing the truth about what it is. My sense of waking consciousness is now relatively even-keeled, with of course the subtle feeling of being on the outside – looking in. Or, in other words, as if who I really was – my consciousness awareness, was emanating from some other place, looking through my eyes and out to the world I live in. This is coupled with the knowing that I am still in complete control of my body and actions, able to interact on a normal basis, and yet simultaneously part of something else much larger and deeper and more connected with everything. Perhaps this is all just part of the initial expanding consciousness that everyone goes through as a result of this experience.

As the first week passes and I go into the next, I wonder what it will bring. Will my recent respite continue or will I once again succumb to the initial flow of energy and vibrations throughout my body that I had mostly felt during sleeping hours? After testing the waters a little bit and spending some time meditating before going to bed one night, I noticed a return of activity shortly after. It wasn’t nearly as intense or long as before, but it was certainly a noticeable change from the previous few days when I hadn’t meditated and nothing noticeable occurred. I don’t really know why. But, I’m starting to think that without the continued practice of meditation, you can’t fully experience the potential of this transformation. The now ever-present streaming flow into my head has caused me to think about and visualize where this is coming from, and how it is navigating its way up my spine. How is it interacting with the energy centers now, if at all? I tend to think about the third eye chakra, if not only because I’ve read a lot about it. And, for whatever reason, I now feel a warm sensation and tingling between the brow of my eyes, as if my muscles or nerves were twitching and contracting. This seemed to last for an hour or so and then went away, as I fell asleep for a short period of time. After that it didn’t come back, yet I continued to have trouble falling back to sleep again because of my thoughts about it actually returning.

Introduction

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In the months leading up to the most profound personal experience I’ve had in life, when I began to seriously think about how I could change my life from what it was to something else beyond the everyday routine, and to something more in tune with what nature originally meant for us; I found myself reading insatiably about everything and anything related to mysticism and spirituality. I had an unparalleled interest like nothing in my past, an urge to discover the true nature of humanity, and how we might have the potential to progress beyond a mere life of materialism and physicality into something more transcendent. I suspect this was at least somewhat related to the looming breakdown of society and my natural impulse to try and find something positive and meaningful that might overshadow all the negative things that were happening across the world. This too had been occurring in perhaps some of the most trying times in modern history, with much of the world stuck in a global economic depression that was slowly and incessantly destroying the lives of many, and the primary driving force in causing a major global war. The timing of it seems almost too coincidental for me, with all of this going on, and at the culmination between major galactic cycles, that being the Age of Pisces and the Age of Aquarius, when the age of illusion transforms into that of enlightenment. This isn’t to say that I didn’t already have some inclination into spirituality and the idea that an alternate reality (or realities) existed outside of what we see everyday. Because I have, and as I’ve discovered in the process, I think something had been going on within me on a subtle level for a long time prior to this.

From the beginning of the experience, which seems almost too surreal to believe, I felt the need to document what was happening to me, in part out of the fear that I might forget it over time. But, also because I thought it was necessary to have something manifest to prove to myself that something real was actually occurring and I wasn’t becoming delusional. In the back of my mind too, I suspected that I might have a meaningful story that I could share with others, at the very least for the benefit of my close family and friends. Writing my own story was something I had always wanted to do and had been thinking about in the previous years, but I never imagined it would be on a subject such as this. What was peculiar to me was that in the months prior to its advent, I had been practicing my writing regularly about my personal thoughts on family life and meditation. While doing this, I had a strange and foretelling feeling inside that what I was actually doing, was developing my writing style for a book about a spiritual journey that I was about to undertake. Although at the time, I had no idea about what specifically that journey might entail. Yet, I felt it strongly for some reason, as if I was now predestined to embark upon something unique and different from anything I’ve ever known in life. This feeling inside was one of the first inclinations I had related to what happened, that showed to me something outside the realm of normal conscious awareness was at work, and now moving me in a direction beyond just physical being. I attribute this idea, in a sense, to the opening up of my mind, a realization of spirit, and with finding a deeper connection with my environment that allowed a free flow of knowledge and information, of which we all have the ability to do. Because of my experiences to date, I now believe we have this innately within us, if given the right circumstances and state of mind, to experience something beyond the body and with a direct connection to universal creative forces.

As I will allude to later in the writing, prior to this spiritual awakening, I felt myself drifting farther away from normal everyday life and into some other place with only my self and nothing else. My state of mind got serenely quiet as I began to look within for answers to life’s questions, instead of seeking something external. I felt as though I was being pulled in by some mysterious force, that as I reached some unknown point in the beginning of my journey, there was no going back and I was destined to be changed forever. This has proven to be all too true in many different ways. Both in metaphysical terms with regard to my deepened spiritual connection through meditation, as well as with the physical symptoms I’ve experienced as a result of the changes my body has gone through. This perhaps has proven to be the most difficult for me at times, because of the fact that I still need to continue living a normal life, but now have to contend with an almost continual state of fatigue and host of psychosomatic stresses. For this, there seems to be no rational explanation that I can convey to my family that describes it fully or helps them understand that something real is happening to me and that I’m just trying to understand it and cope as best I can. I am fortunate though, to have a wife who is understanding of my needs and one who knows me intimately enough, with all my peculiarities, to see that something quite different is indeed happening to me.

What is it that I feel the need to share? To provide a relative sense of what it is I think I’m going through, to the best of my knowledge, and based upon the fact that my prior research into this area is at least somewhat influenced by Eastern meditation and philosophy; I would speculate that it is analogous to a kundalini awakening. The only reason I suggest this is to provide a starting point or reference so that any confusion about my documented experiences and thoughts can be put into some sort of context with similar stories. With some exception throughout this writing though, and as an introductory way of describing this phenomenon, I will sometimes use other terminology for explaining it. If only, for the sake of expressing my own unique experience and interpretation as to what is happening within the realms of spirituality and/or conscious evolution. My understanding is that this is not unique only to those in India or China or other native cultures, but to all of humanity. In this sense, all it represents is an original word that was used to describe what is innately within all of us. If in my mind I accepted this notion as fact, I would only be repeating aforementioned ideas and potentially predisposing my thought process based upon already-written texts about what I should be experiencing, or doing, as a result of this. My aim then is to make this my own, with as few external influences as possible, and to document my thought process as I go through it. This is after all, how I got to this point in the first place – by learning my own lessons in life, practicing my own form of meditation according to what felt natural to me, and by being open-minded enough to not constrict myself to any one ideology or religion.

You may notice too that as I write, I tend to go back and forth between a more simplistic, matter-of-fact style of writing to one that is a bit more fluid and natural and at least in my opinion, interesting in a literary way. This is also interspersed with personal reflections on what is happening to me at the time of writing, in terms of the psycho-physiological symptoms related to my experience. So, I might write more about philosophical ideas on how I perceive life and how I feel as though I’m changing in that respect. But, then as I actually experience something within my body or realize a change, I interject that into the body of writing with the notion that if I don’t, I might forget the details at a later time. Sometimes when I find myself sitting down to write, I have a deeper sense of calm and a feeling that words seemingly come out of nowhere, not simply by my mind trying to string together an interesting and cohesive sentence. But, rather, as if the connection between myself and this source of creativity is wide open, and I’m able to fluidly put my ideas down on paper (so to speak). That, there is a certain sense of energy and vibration to the way I write under these conditions, as opposed to when I try to force my writing at other times. This is how I perceive the variations in writing style throughout this story.

Preface

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When I stop to think about how or when my spiritual awakening began, or the opening of what I perceive to be a connection between my physical body and other spiritual or non-physical forces, or even what others might refer to as a kundalini awakening; I hesitate to say that it all began in earnest on May 7, 2012. Although, that is when the really interesting events began to unfold. There had simply been too many subtle things occurring within me on a deeper personal level, prior to that, to say that one day I was just going about my business leading a normal life, and the next day it all spontaneously changed to something else more spiritual and mystical in nature beyond what words can describe in any faithful way. In hindsight, I can definitely remember that I felt compelled in the months leading up to this date, to seek a deeper truth about things, to re-engage myself in meditation, and to re-connect with nature in some way that would provide a greater sense of unity or meaning to my life. Going back in time even further than that, when I reflect on the type of person I was in my earlier teenage years or even in my twenties, I never really considered myself to be a normal person like everyone else – I was always thinking deeply about things that perhaps most people wouldn’t think twice about, and I wasn’t much of a social butterfly. I sensed growing up through all of this, because of my perception that I was literally unable to simply see things on a superficial level, that I had some other purpose in life that to me meant I was going to be much different from everyone else, at least on some level. Although, as part of the conundrum, while I sensed certain peculiarities about how I thought and went about in life, I didn’t necessarily know how that would translate down the road – or for that matter, if my personality differences really meant anything significant. I only supposed that because my mind seemingly worked differently from other people, that the result of this down the road would be that in some way my life would be more interesting or purposeful. Indeed, in some strange way and perhaps only internally cognizable within my being, the very way I think about things and contemplate on life itself, indulging my psyche in areas of deep intellectual subject matter, has done exactly that – leading to what I consider to be an extraordinary exploration of the hidden and subtle side of life.

Relating to my experience, there always seems to be a lead up to things, like an epiphany, a series of minute events all linked to one another, creating an agglomeration which unfolds to a time when something even more dramatic occurs. In paleontology, it is sometimes referred to as punctuated equilibrium, when organisms go through extended periods of time with little to no (perceivable) change, then suddenly and for whatever reason, a period of intense change or evolution occurs. For me, this almost seems like a universal evolutionary principle with any living organism. You can also see this with the imperceptible buildup of energy within the Earth prior to earthquakes, then suddenly the energy is released and the land changes form. When I think back over the past few years, I can see clearly that I was experiencing many different things leading up to this point, at least within my mind, that changed the way I viewed life in general and opened me up to the events that truly began to unveil themselves down the road. In my opinion, all of these were a foretelling of what was to happen to me, a glimpse into the future, a sensing within myself on a deep level that I needed to be prepared in a variety of ways for a life-transformation of epic proportions and beyond my wildest dreams. And, without this preparation, my personal foray into this realm would either be immensely more difficult or perhaps not even happen at all. I didn’t necessarily do it all consciously though, and because of that, it leads me to believe that on some level, our connection to this universe and life-giving force is in fact where we emanate from and find our sustenance and guidance. It is who we truly are beyond the material bodies we walk around in every day. This is the illusion and the puzzle that humanity faces, one that I have contemplated on for some time, and one that I felt I must come to terms with and understand in order to progress beyond my current stage of evolution.

When I start to think to myself that I was actually going through a period of internal preparation, one that was slowly and cumulatively changing who I was and altering my beliefs, for whatever reason it reminds me of something religiously-oriented. This is probably related to my previous experiences as a child going to a Christian church with my parents, where they preached about preparing yourself in life to be worthy of heaven or in becoming “born again” and receiving the holy spirit. None of this ever really made sense to me and I didn’t feel in any way that it should be a part of my life. It just never felt right to me, and for the most part, the biblical lessons and dogma which seem so misinterpreted and misunderstood by most people, still doesn’t resonate with me today. What I felt was entirely different from anything of a religious nature because it wasn’t about following rules or absolving sins or seeking something external that was greater than myself. I went within my self more than anything else, as if I knew that the key to whatever personal and spiritual growth I was going to have was to be found in this way, rather than given as some sort of gift for acquiescence into accepted religious doctrine. Although ironically, it was also something that seemingly happened to me – as if on some level outside of my awareness and that things were happening to me under the guidance of another intelligence. The connotation to some might be that, yes, this is God giving to me what I need. However, unlike in religion where the assumption is that God is out there somewhere watching over us, I didn’t feel the presence of another entity or being, but just more of a connection or a pull towards something beyond the physical world that began to have an impact on me. I suppose in some sense though, you can think of this as a creator of sorts, since the distinction may be slight in the verbiage use. In my mind though, it was more like pure, infinite intelligence and creativity and energy than a god-like figure on high.

I imagine too that many would question how it is I could possibly know, at least subconsciously, so far in advance what was going to happen to me and how I could know to prepare myself for such an event. Never mind that the experience itself is so far-fetched in the minds of most rational-thinking people, that it would be quickly categorized as borderline crazy. It can’t possibly be that I knew in advance, but that all I really did was to have an end goal in mind and set up a personal course of action which ultimately led up to the realization of that goal. This is the knee-jerk response and the objective and rational world-view that we’ve been conditioned to have, and one which doesn’t serve us well. This though, doesn’t take into account the synchronistic nature for how one thing led to the next and to the next, in terms of the information I gleaned about meditation and kundalini – which is what I perceive this as being; as well as other bits of knowledge from both scientific and esoteric sources on human history. In actuality, everything I learned contributed to an opening up of a new way of looking at humanity and our history. This in turn motivated me to push through the intellectual and spiritual limits that I previously thought existed. Yes, to some degree I developed the belief in and desire to learn about kundalini, of which I only had an inkling about at the time. At least on some level, it was a personal choice to begin a journey down this path – albeit with some degree of naivete. In stating this, I’m not suggesting in any way that I left my own free will by the wayside and opened myself up to something external that took over my body and directed my actions. At the same time, it was because I opened myself up through meditation and reflection, that I connected to a higher self and was able to experience this process. This is where I’m starting to discover who I truly am – beyond my surficial, thinking mind and one with everything that is. I get the sense that I’ve started to access a vast, creative reservoir of information and knowledge from this source, through the absolute silence of meditation and releasing of normal, everyday thoughts, and it’s now infusing itself in me with no other action of my own.

To anyone who is familiar with kundalini and what it is, you might start to question the veracity as my story unfolds. A kundalini awakening is not something that anyone can simply conjure up through a couple sessions of meditation and self-reflection. There is a whole lot more to it than that, and I’m not suggesting in any way that one day I discovered this phenomenon and simply read an instruction manual on how to release it. I do though believe that I had already been doing the personal work, the learning, the evolving throughout my life and perhaps in past lives (as the case may be), that led me to this point today where this force is now able to affect me in a more overt and deeper way. In the months leading up to it in 2012, I had just begun to approach this pinnacle, catching a glimpse of what was to come, and learning how to take that next big step in my own evolution. It is of course not a pinnacle, but rather just another step in the long process of transformation into something else.

All hasn’t been a bed of roses though since it all began in earnest. It’s been a difficult path full of ups-and-downs, both in terms of psychological and physical discomforts. It seems that most days have some degree of internal demands, because I find myself in a constant state of reflection about the life I now perceive to exist. I no longer have the ability to go back to how (or where) I was before this began, to a place where I suspect most people still linger in on a daily basis – that being the illusion that life is nothing more than our bodies and this world we seem to walk around in everyday. I remember talking to my wife about this exact thing early on in the process. I’ve been experiencing changes within myself that in my opinion are so profound and life-altering, that who I thought I was prior to all of this has disappeared altogether. And, based on what has happened so far, I would caution anyone who is interested in seeking the same thing to really think long and hard about your state of mind, and whether or not you are truly ready to go down this road. It is difficult and long, and I am absolutely sure that once it begins, there is no going back to what once was. Sometimes I want nothing more than to sit down and zone-out as I previously did, to do mindless things without my thought process getting too deep about anything. But, I cannot. My state of consciousness is now permanently in this new reality, seeking the truth and trying to see through the lies and propaganda of life – in everything I do. This is part of it all – at least for me. I was opened up to an entirely new reality and brought to a doorway, which then closed behind me as I passed through it. My previous life instantly transformed into something else more meaningful and I could no longer go back to who I was.

This is what is happening in my case. And, I suppose that it is somewhat different for everyone, in one way or another. However, once you personally experience this and feel your body over-run with a cosmic energy that vibrates and pulses and flows up-and-down your body, titillating your senses and nerves, re-shaping your mind and shattering your illusions, and taking you outside your self to some other non-physical, unearthly realm – you can no longer be the same person you once were and can no longer maintain a world-view that we are simply born into this world for a short period of time, we live a quick life full of meaningless experiences, then we die. It absolutely has to be more than that. The inception of this phenomenon touches upon that notion and brings us another step closer to realizing what we’re all about.

Because I am not a religious man, some religiously-oriented people might view this as having been taken over by demons or a false god, and that it is more imperative than ever now, that I seek out help from someone with the church to exorcise those demons. This, I view, as a single-minded, black-and-white approach to life that believes there is only the one god who has previously dictated by proxy a set of laws of which man has to follow. And, if he/she does not, there is nothing else in life but an eternity of damnation to hell or torment by evil forces. However, on the flip-side, if I was religious, whether that be categorized as a Christian or anything else, and had experienced the same sort of thing, it might also have been attributed to being anointed by the holy spirit and my status elevated to some degree within the church. I’m sure this sort of thing does in fact happen to other people of a religious persuasion – in fact those of all races, classes, and philosophical beliefs. On the other hand, there are probably some who would suggest that if I were genuinely a god-fearing man, something such as this might never have happened to me – lending credence to the idea that god provides for and protects those that serve him. There always seems to be some sort of explanation, one way or the other, for everything when it comes to supporters of religion – something that fits in nicely with what their religious text states, and that which makes followers feel better about what they believe in.

The truly amazing thing about all of this, which in some sense you can call an epiphany, is that I reached a new point in my degree of conscious awareness and physical condition, and had an immediate transformation in my thought process and perception of reality. The idea of “oneness” took on a deeper meaning to me, in a sense that I now knew through direct experience, that a higher intelligence and all-permeating form of energy exists and is entirely integrated with our physical bodies. Of course, the term “epiphany” doesn’t accurately describe what it is or encompass the exact nature of the experience, but on some miniscule level that is what it is. An intellectual curiosity about phenomena outside the norm in human existence, the underlying belief that there is more to life than what we see, the tendency towards finding deeper meanings, an affinity for mysticism, and the idea that human beings have more untapped supernatural abilities than we realize, are all characteristics of my personality going back as far as I can remember. This to me suggests a relationship between how I’ve lived my life, or at the very least, my openness to different things, and the manifestation of this cosmic energy that is now affecting it. This writing represents the still-unfolding story about what led up to all of this and how my life is changing as a result of it.